Our Solemn Hour
by Dawn N
Summary: Sam watches his brother from the shadows ... Follows "Swan Song" and picks up where the finale faded to black.
1. In the Shadows

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Supernatural were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers:** This story picks up at the end of the season 5 finale "Swan Song" and will most assuredly be AU once S6 starts up in the fall. I know it's been a while since I've written any fic, sorry. I wanted to thank everyone that has sent me a PM over this past year while I haven't written just checking in and asking me if I was okay. Thank you. Anyway, not sure where I'm headed with this story but it was scratching to be written after seeing the finale, so we'll see where it goes. I had another fic idea but put it on the back burner in lieu of this story. I hope my writing hasn't slipped in my year long hiatus from posting. My apologies if it has …

**Side Note:** The title of this story is from a song of the same name by "Within Temptation".

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

"… _Sacred justice moved my architect. I was raised here by divine omnipotence, primordial love and ultimate intellect_…" ~ _The Inferno, Canto III_, Dante Alighieri

The streetlight flickered and went out and Sam stood in the shadows watching his big brother from a distance. The unreadable mask of his face slipped into one of longing and ache as he watched. Torn in need to be with his brother and the need to give Dean what he'd never had … a life, happiness but most of all peace. Sam had seen the far away look in his brother's face at the dinner table but Lisa had pulled him back into the light and although Sam couldn't hear what she had said to his brother he saw Dean snap back and a soft smile cross his face. He watched Dean smile and toss a dinner roll to Ben. Sam's eyes welled with tears and a small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.

This he could do … give Dean a life … this he could do … be happy that Dean had kept his promise … this he could do … walk away.

His memory was clear like unblemished glass and unfortunately as sharp as a razor. He remembered Lucifer inside him scratching at his soul and the pit … pain … a pain absolute and then ascension. He felt a presence enter into the cage and a whisper inside his spirit, _do not fear _… and in that instant he felt Lucifer peeled away from him as if Lucifer was merely sunburned skin sloughing off and then he was at Lisa's … free from the pit but separate from the life he'd had before giving himself to the pit in order to lock Lucifer back in his cage.

Sam Winchester watched just a bit longer, his eyes bright with tears, he stepped back into the thick shadow, and away from the light he'd known his entire life, away from his brother. Dean was light and Sam withdrew into shadow where he felt he belonged.

Dean looked past Ben into the night outside and stared for a long moment, as something inside him stirred. "Dean? What is it?" Lisa followed Dean's line of sight. Dean shook his head briefly as he studied the darkness a moment longer.

"Nothing," he assured her when he saw the worry in her eyes. "It's nothing," he reaffirmed for her and offered a tentative smile of assurance.

Sam walked down the sidewalk not knowing where he was going … his mind filled with questions. Three blocks away he found a playground and stopped. He sat down on a swing and allowed the heaviness inside him to begin to consume him. There was a familiar rustle to his left and looked and Castiel sat beside him.

"How'd you know? What the sigils don't work anymore?"

"No of course not they are still intact and keep you hidden," Castiel responded easily. Sam rolled his eyes in frustration.

"You wanna elaborate Cas, if their still good how the hell are you here?"

"Joshua told me where to find you that you'd been saved from the cage."

"Joshua?" Sam remembered him. The angel that tended the Garden and the sounding board for God and Sam's eyes widened. "You mean God told him?"

Castiel nodded. "I believe so but he is a man of few words. He was simply conveying a message to me to come to you." Sam shook his head.

"Dammit Cas, no games, I want to know … I need to know …" he left the sentence unfinished.

Castiel was silent for a long moment and looked at Sam thoughtfully, "the answer you desire to hear is yes. There is only one being strong enough to descend into Hell, enter the cage and separate the essence of Lucifer from his vessel while sparing the vessel. Your sacrifice saved the world Sam and he pulled you free as a gift."

"For what," Sam lamented. "I don't deserve redemption. He should have left me there to rot."

"What you did took great strength Sam. You fought Lucifer and pushed him back." Sam shook his head.

"It was Dean, Cas, he saved everyone, he saved me … he would have stayed there and let Lucifer beat him to death, his only concern was to just get through enough to me to know that he was there for me and then I saw the toy soldier I crammed into the ashtray when I was six and …" Sam's voice choked. "I saw it all Cas, every moment with Dean, felt his love and that is what gave me the will to break through and push Lucifer back."

Castiel nodded. "You should go to him. His soul is broken in ways that only you can repair."

"No, Cas, he kept his promise. Let him have a life … if I knock on that door, he'll walk away from Lisa and Ben … things will just be more of the same, hunting, no let me be gone to him."

"You'll never be gone to him Sam. He will always be your brother and you his. He will mourn and ache your loss, your sacrifice every day. Despite the smiles and laughs, this new life you made him promise to embrace will give him there will always be a hole where you were." Sam turned and looked at Castiel long and hard.

"You been watching the _Lifetime_ network dude, 'cause you were totally channeling the chick-flick moment?" Sam offered a shaky smile. Castiel quirked a confused eyebrow up

at Sam.

"What's a chick-flick moment and for that matter the _Lifetime_ network?"

Sam snorted a small chuckle. "Never mind man."

"So, you'll return to him," Castiel responded matter of fact.

"No, he's better off, trust me," Sam stood up abruptly. "Time to leave."

"Where will you go?"

Sam shook his head and said nothing. "Bye Cas, do me a favor keep an eye on him, okay?" The angel nodded.

"I will."

"Thanks"

Castiel watched Sam walk away and disappear around tall hedges and in a blink the playground was left empty the swings gently moving from the breeze caused by angel wings and all was silent.

**To Be Continued … **


	2. Hand of Sorrow

**Disclaimer:** The characters of Supernatural were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Thank you for the reviews and PM's. Well, based on some recent possible spoiler implications for season 6 involving a time leap this story will have one, as well, although the time leaps scenarios for S6 I have heard on the grapevine range from 6 months to five years. I hope you enjoy chapter 2. Happy Reading!

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 2: Hand of Sorrow**

"…So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed, was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?" ~ lyrics excerpt from _Hand of Sorrow_ by Within Temptation

**Nine Months Later, Tonganoxie, Kansas**

Sam squinted at the early morning light as he exited _Helen's Hilltop Bar and Restaurant_ where he had been working the last six months. The bar closed at 2 AM but the clean-up after the big biker party kept Sam there cleaning with his other co-workers until the wee hours and Sam stayed behind another couple hours to prepare the bar for the next days service and lock-up. There was a large biker gathering for the weekend and business was heavy. Sam had started out as a busboy and was quickly put behind the bar when they discovered he had a knack for fitting in and could work a bar like an old pro.

Tonganoxie wasn't far from Lawrence and Sam figured he could lose his past there, lose himself but still be close to Dean in his own way despite them being in different states.

He got in an old Jeep Wrangler he had bought shortly after settling in Tonganoxie. The Jeep was crap compared to the Impala. It wasn't home and held no memories of a distant life. Sam's mind went to Cicero and his big brother. He had stayed nearby for three months and watched Dean from afar and it was when he stayed hidden in a group of people watching a little league baseball game and his brother and Lisa that he decided it was time to move on. Dean was okay and despite the far away look he still got now and again, his brother was settling into his new life away from hunting and it was time to go. Sam needed the three months to settle back into his own skin so to speak. He still had the nightmares of Hell and the cage but most of all he was still haunted by the memory of Lucifer inside his mind, his body. The craving for blood was gone but it didn't mean he still couldn't sniff out a demon when was around.

He still hunted but only nearby cases because he felt responsible in some way for the new onslaught of supernatural activity. Heaven and Hell were a mess after the apocalypse was averted. There were plenty of things that go bump in the night to hunt. He still had work to do but couldn't bring himself to go on the road not with out Dean. He hadn't seen Castiel again and he had never contacted Bobby to tell him that he was alive and out of Hell. _What's the point? He's better off without me, safer and he'd tell Dean for sure_, he thought to himself although it was obvious that during his brief stay in Cicero that Dean wasn't talking to Bobby and was making an attempt to swear off the hunting life, so Bobby had to stay out of the loop.

He turned onto Evans Road and made his way down the long rural road where he lived in an old farm house a mile and half off the road. It was run down but the rent was cheap and he sent the money to an old retired couple in Florida living in a senior's mobile home park. He pulled into the long dirt and gravel driveway to his house and when he pulled up out front he saw a trench coat figure step from the early shadows and he knew even before he saw his face that it was Castiel. Sam tensed and shut the car off quickly. He walked with purpose toward the front porch, "Is he okay? What's wrong?" Sam's eyes and voice were intense.

Castiel offered that soft smile, "your brother is fine." Sam studied the angel for an intense moment and puckered his eyebrows.

"Then why the hell are you here and do I even have to ask how you found me. Tell Joshua to stop passing along messages. I just want to be left alone Cas is that so damn hard for you to grasp."

Castiel cocked his head slightly, "you're angry."

"Damn straight. I just want to be left alone." Sam pushed past the angel and started for his front door.

"Dean needs his brother," Castiel offered evenly.

"You said he was okay," Sam stalked toward the angel and looked down at him. Castiel merely offered that unreadable soft smile of his.

"He is," Castiel answered and then paused. "For the most part."

"What does that mean, 'for the most part' … either he is or he isn't dammit!"

"He is living the life you made him promise to," Cas replied. "He works at a local garage and attends little league, football and soccer games. He even goes to parent teacher nights with Lisa at Ben's school. He goes through the motions and has retired from hunting and sworn never to return to it."

Sam sat down heavily on the front wooden steps of his porch. The sunrise was cresting over the sparse collection of trees off to the side of his driveway. The golden light of the new day glinted in Cas's eyes as he took a seat next to the youngest Winchester. "Do you talk to him?" Sam asked his voice soft.

"No, I keep watch just as you asked and check in on him. He never knows I'm there. I even watch him in his dreams but he's never seen me."

"His dreams? Are they nightmares?" Sam's eyes looked troubled and weary.

"Sometimes," Castiel offered without preamble.

"About Hell?"

Castiel shook his head slightly. "Not his Hell," he replied. "His nightmares are of what he thinks you're going through and he remembers the cemetery and when you went into the hole." Sam dropped his head into a hand and ran a shaking hand through his long bangs.

"Are they all bad?"

"No, mostly he dreams of when you were both young or that he gets to see you again as you were and you fish," Cas said with a smile and Sam quirked an eyebrow at the angel.

"We fish?"

"Yes, at a placid lake, it is peaceful. It's a place he has dreamed of more than once. I found him there once when I needed him. But, he dreams of the place often, however, you are there with him now."

"Why are you doing this Cas? Trying to guilt trip me into letting him know I'm alive. For what? Why? He's better off; he's living the life he deserves."

"He is living a life that does not define him. Yes, he has known some happiness and the promise you asked of him has been fulfilled. He may stay in that life but you need to unburden his soul and allow him to know you're alive."

Sam shook his head. "Nah, he's moving on Cas, he'll let go … he's letting go."

"He'll never let go of your memory Sam, never."

"No, but he'll let go of the burden of me," Sam added softly. Castiel studied the young man next to him.

"Then why is he packing this very minute to drive to Lawrence?" Sam shot an intense look at Cas.

"What? Why?" Castiel gave this knowing shake of his head. "What?"

"Do you have no idea what tomorrow is? Are you that lost?"

Sam could only offer a perplexed look at the angel. "What's so special about tomorrow? It hasn't even been a year since that day in the cemetery, so…"

"Tomorrow is your birthday Sam and Dean is coming to see you at the only place he can feel is your grave. He is returning to Stull Cemetery to talk to his brother on his birthday." Sam closed his eyes for a moment to calm the emotions rolling over him like a tsunami.

"He's going back there?" Sam spoke his thoughts out loud and Castiel seemed to pick up on that and said nothing. He was learning some of the human quirks he kept encountering.

"Yes and it is time to give him peace Sam."

Sam felt his chest tighten and his throat constrict against his pent up emotions. Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's time Sam … go to him tomorrow." Sam cast an anguished glance at Cas. He offered a curt nod as a tear broke free and rolled down his cheek unchecked. "You'll go?"

"Yes," Sam's voice cracked. The second big 'yes' in his life and he hoped its result wouldn't be as devastating as the first.

**To Be Continued**

**I hope to update every weekend unless time permits earlier posts they could come sooner! Thanks for reading.**


	3. Wayward

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Okay, no spoilers for season 6 not beyond the ones already alluded to in previous chapters based on what is currently leaking out. I'm just building on the AU I have set up and will most likely change in many ways once Season 6 gets underway. I'm not sure how long this story will be but I will try to update every weekend unless time permits earlier posts.

Thank you for the reviews and PM's you've sent me. Plus, again I want to thank everyone that has taken the time to give me such a warm welcome back into fanfic after taking a year off. Thanks! Happy Reading, I hope.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 3: Wayward**

"…_When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions_ …" ~ Shakespeare, _Hamlet_

**May 2****nd,**** Stull Cemetery, Outside Lawrence, Kansas**

Dean kneeled in the early afternoon light as a cool breeze blew by and ruffled his slightly longer hair. He hasn't kept up with the strict military cut and allowed just a little more length but it was still very much the Dean Winchester look. He knew the spot, how could he forget where his brother fell into the hole with Michael … Adam … Dean shook his head for a moment. His hand bunched in the dried grass, "Sammy," his voice sounded broken. "I …" he started and stopped. His hand caressed the ground in an almost reverent manner and he stood. "I wanted to come sooner," he started again his voice getting stronger but still anguished. "I, uh, kept my promise you know … I went to Lisa and Ben. Things are okay, I guess, but …" he wiped at the errant tear that rolled down his cheek. He rubbed it roughly having not even realized he was allowing the luxury of tears.

"But, it's going through the motions Sammy. Hell, what do I know about the apple pie life," Dean looked up and out over the cemetery and then settled his eyes back on the spot he considered his brother's grave … he couldn't bring himself to think the phrase, 'final resting place' there was no rest where he was, no peace, no solace. "I'm trying though Sammy, for you…" Dean offered quietly. "I just don't know if I can do this, ya know?" He fisted his hands and released them in frustration. "I want you back Sammy this ain't right. You should be here."

Dean kept his eyes down and on the spot he remembered with the same agony he felt when he'd first kneeled at it when the hole had opened swallowed his little brother, well both his little brothers and closed locking Lucifer back in his cage now along with Michael. But, as much as he felt bad that Adam took the proverbial bullet for him, it was Sam he missed … Sam he had raised, cared for … family was family and Dean would have died for either of his brothers if push had come to shove but his bond was with the brother he knew, had known … Sam was his responsibility, quite simply Sammy was his and had been since that fateful night in November when he ran out of the house with him.

"Happy Birthday sort of seems stupid considering where you are … what you did to save us all. You did it Sammy, you got control when no one else would have been able to. I'm proud of you," he choked. "Dammit!" he shouted. "I want to be mad at your stupid ass, I do," he lamented with anger. "But, I can't … you saved the world Sammy. You said 'you let him out … you had to put him back in …" Dean rubbed at his face again. "You didn't let him out on you own Sam, I helped with the first seal. If it hadn't been for me getting the ball rolling …" he stopped and took a breath. He smiled softly a moment, "Yeah, yeah," he muttered.

"You'd say it wasn't my fault and all that crap and to let it go … you were always a pain in my ass little brother," he laughed, a wet sounded laugh that held tears in it. "I had to come today Sammy, I needed you to know that I didn't forget what today was and maybe you know I'm here and whatever you're going through you know you're not alone, you're never alone Sammy … I'm here and no matter where I am I'll always be there for you … I'll always remember …"

Sam stood beside an old grave marker and watched his brother and listened to his words. He had parked outside the cemetery and walked in not wanting to alert Dean. His eyes had welled long ago knowing his brother well enough to know the pain he was feeling and despite the silent tears he had wiped angrily away were still being tightly reigned in. His brother's words, 'I'm here' he knew theses words he also remembered what followed them, 'I'm not leaving you …' and Sam remembered the taking back control and seeing his broken brother in body and spirit. He stepped forward and took a calming breath.

"Dean?" his voice was tentative. His big brother spun around at his single word and stared at him wide-eyed. Sam remained where he stood wanting to let his brother assimilate what was happening.

"Sam?" Dean's voice shook. "No, this …"

"I'm here Dean," Sam offered with a light smile. "It's really me … just me … nothing piggy backing me." Sam offered a dimpled smile and Dean stared at his little brother feeling his body tremble. "It's okay Dean," Sam spoke quietly. "It's going to be okay," and that was it, Dean flashed back and remembered his brother's final words and reality clicked into place.

"Sammy," he choked and walked forward pulling his brother into a hug and he held on tightly, squeezing him close. Sam hugged back just as intensely. Dean was the first to release and was thankful for that and he took one step back not caring about personal space as he maintained his closeness to his brother. He looked at Sam and saw the tears cascading down his sibling's face. "How? When?" his mind was throwing words out without processing what he was saying. He quickly flipped into big brother mode, "You okay? You hurt?" he looked around the cemetery quickly. "I gotta get you somewhere safe," he was grabbing Sam's arm … his bare arm and something struck him. Sam wasn't wearing what he had when he went in the pit. He was wearing a black V-neck t-shirt and blue jeans. Sam had a little five o'clock shadow and his hair was a little longer. Sam seemed to understand what was dawning on his brother albeit slowly.

"Dean, I'm okay. Look, we need to talk. I'm safe all right. We gotta talk."

Dean released his brother's arm and Sam nodded. "My cars outside the gate to the cemetery, you wanna follow me?"

"Your car?" Dean looked incredulous.

"Well, crusty Jeep to be exact. We're going to Tonganoxie, okay?" he studied his brother and hoped this wasn't too much for him to work through. Dean nodded absently and as Sam took a step toward walking away.

"Wait!" Dean barked. "Where you going?"

"I'm walking to the front gate to get the Jeep, Dean," Sam quirked an eyebrow at his brother, 'hadn't they just had this conversation' he thought.

"The Impala's right … here get your ass in it," Dean commanded. Sam chuckled and suddenly Dean didn't care what they had to talk about … this was his little brother and it didn't matter in this moment how he got out of hell, he was out and that was all that mattered and he strode forward and grabbed his brother and pulled him close once again. "You're really here, right?" he choked as he felt Sam's arms come up and envelope him back with the same fierce love. "I'm not going crazy, you're here?"

"I'm here Dean" Sam assured. "I'm here," and Sam crumbled, his strong façade no longer able to maintain and he cried into Dean's shoulder blade. "I missed you Dean," he choked softly. Now, this was something Dean knew how to deal with, a little brother that needed his big brother and God how good it felt and he held Sam close.

"Missed you too, kiddo. I got ya Sammy, I got ya," he assured and they stood there for long moments.

**A short drive later, Tonganoxie, Sam's Place**

They pulled up to the old farmhouse off the road and Dean slid out of the Impala as his brother turned off his Jeep. Sam turned and looked at his big brother.

"Sam, what is this place?" Dean glanced around.

"I live here … the rent is cheap," Sam motioned for him to follow him as he approached the porch steps. Dean stopped as his mind fought to process what was happening. It was all too much; too fast … it couldn't be real, could it?

"Rent? How long you been here?" Dean's tone changed and Sam knew it too well, his brother was edging toward pissed and Sam guessed he sort of deserved it.

"Come inside," Sam said easily his voice easy going. Dean stood stock still his face becoming defiant as puzzle pieces slid into place for him.

"Answer the question Sam," Dean's voice hard. "How long have you been here?"

"Six months here," Sam offered tentatively. Dean studied his brother with intense eyes.

"You went in the hole nine months ago Sam … what about the other three?" Sam blew out a breath, damn his brother even blind sided still was pretty quick and didn't miss a beat. "You tellin' me you get out of the pit and what? Come straight here, it doesn't make sense." Dean stalked forward, his eyes angry, but Sam could see beyond the anger, his brother was concerned about him.

"No, not straight here," Sam offered lightly. "Come on inside Dean, we can talk. I'll tell you everything."

"No, you'll tell me now … where were you for the three months before coming here." Sam dropped heavily down onto the porch steps and looked at Dean, his eyes soft and welling with tears, he was afraid of his brother's rejection, of making Dean feel betrayed when he said what needed said. "Where Sam?"

"Cicero … I was in Cicero," Sam replied quietly his gaze never leaving his brother's.

**To Be Continued**


	4. Desperado

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Thanks again for the reviews and PM's they are much appreciated! There aren't any new spoilers in this chapter, again just building on what was set up in chapter one. Happy Reading, I hope.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter Four: Desperado**

"… _Ohh, you're a hard one. I know that you've got your reasons. These things that are pleasin' you, can hurt you somehow …"_ ~ Lyrics excerpt by The Eagles, _Desperado_

"Cicero … I was in Cicero," Sam replied quietly his gaze never leaving his brother's.

Dean stood there with a look of disbelief on his face. "Cicero? From the beginning?" Dean shouted. Sam flinched slightly.

"Not sure," Sam offered quietly. "Not the very beginning, I think." Dean frowned at that response.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I was in Hell Dean, okay? I remember it and the cage," Sam looked away out over the field and Dean caught the lost and haunted look in his little brother's eyes. "I remember going in the hole and pulling Adam … I mean, Michael with me. I remember Hell, the cage but then there was something … someone and the next thing I know I'm standing under a street light at night watching you eat dinner. You looked like your mind was somewhere else, you looked unhappy but then Lisa said something to you and then you tossed Ben a dinner roll and grabbed some mash potatoes for yourself, you looked okay … I just watched." Dean remembered that night.

"Sam … that was my first night at Lisa's."

"Really? How soon did you go to her after …" Sam left it unfinished.

"After Stull I drove back to Bobby's and then to Lisa's … you were already gone five days when I knocked on her door." Dean's mind went back to that moment for a second.

"Only five days," Sam looked at Dean. His mind trying to assimilate that he'd only spent five days in the cage before he was out … it felt so much longer.

"Why didn't you come to the door?" Dean's voice was back to the angry tone.

"You looked okay … you weren't hurt … I remember what you looked like in the cemetery, I thought it was longer, and why ruin your life? I …"

"Cas healed me," Dean offered under his breath. "God or whatever brought him back, full-on angel again and he brought Bobby back, too. You should have knocked. You let me think you've been in the pit all this time," Dean stalked toward his brother. "Damn you!" he shouted. He wanted to hit his brother but he turned his back on him and walked to the edge of the gravel driveway where it met the grass. "Damn you," he muttered again, his voice a snake's hiss.

"Think I already am," Sam said quietly and the sound of the screen door closing was heard shortly after. Dean turned to where his brother had been sitting. What had Sam said? He couldn't possibly think he's damned could he? Evil? He was pissed at Sam and still wanted to punch him but right now he knew Sam was hurting. They both were. Dean walked into the house in search of his brother.

"Sam?" He called out and was only met with silence. He listened and heard no footsteps upstairs creaking, there was no noise. "Sammy?" he called out again. Suddenly this frantic feeling came over him … he needed to know where his brother was. "Sam, answer me dammit … where are you?"

Silence was his only companion.

Sam could hear his brother yelling for him but he had walked to the kitchen and paced for a moment only to open the back door and keep walking into the field toward the woods. He stopped and stood silently in the field … a Winchester version of a scarecrow.

Dean walked into the kitchen his heart pounding against his sternum his eyes frantically searching for confirmation that Sam was truly here that he hadn't imagined everything. There was time enough to be angry but he had to know his little brother was okay, he was hard wired to make sure Sam was looked after, safe. He spied his brother's tall form out in the field just standing there facing a distant thatch of woods.

"Sam?" Dean asked cautiously as he approached his sibling. Sam turned and what Dean saw threatened to break him. Sam's cheeks were wet with freely falling tears. "Sammy?" his voice was soft, tentative as he reached out and clasped his brother's shoulder.

"No, please, don't…" Sam's voice sounded agonized and wet as he turned away.

"Don't what?" Dean asked gently refusing to remove his hand. "Sam?"

"Don't comfort me, don't forgive me," Sam choked. "Be pissed, hate me … hit me," Sam spun around and pulled free of his brother's grip. He slapped his chest, "Come on hit me, do something, I deserve it." Dean just stared wide-eyed at his little brother.

"Deserve what Sam? You saved the world man, millions of lives," Dean's voice was strong. "You stopped the apocalypse, Sammy … you did that … you beat the Devil man, you pushed him back and took control that was all you Sammy."

Sam shook his head vehemently, "No, I couldn't do it Dean, it was you … saying you wouldn't leave me and then I saw the plastic toy soldier I shoved in the ashtray in the backseat. I saw it all, our whole life …" Sam seemed to curl into himself as he wrapped his arms around himself as if he were freezing. Dean took a step forward and Sam a step back. "Don't, please…"

Dean smiled softly and continued forward. Sam tried to walk away and Dean grabbed him from behind in a tight bear hug, restraining as his little brother bucked like a wild Bronco. Dean held tight and did not waiver. He couldn't he had to win this battle or risk losing Sam in more ways than one. Sam bucked and fought hard but Dean remained vigilant in his grip and just pressed his chin into Sam's shoulder as he rambled a stream of comfort and support into his ear … a big brother comforting his broken little brother.

The struggle began to slow and finally Sam relaxed into Dean's grip that in turn relaxed into an embrace as Sam's struggles stopped. "I got ya Sammy, I got ya."

**Two Hours Later – Sam's family room**

"So, you were checking up on me, huh? You were really at some games?"

"Yeah," Sam answered simply.

"You know sometimes I thought I felt …" Dean rubbed a tired hand across his face. "I felt watched sometimes but after a while I just thought I was being paranoid … too many years on the job, ya know?" Sam nodded. "So, why were you in Stull today … 'cause I'm guessing you weren't visiting for old times sake." The corner of Sam's mouth turned up and a dimple made a brief appearance. Dean couldn't help but smile in return. "Well?"

"Cas stopped by and told me you were coming for my birthday."

"Cas? He visits you and the bastard never bothered to tell me you were okay." Dean was fuming. "I'm so going to kick his feathered ass." Sam chuckled.

"Hey, remember what you said, 'don't piss off the nerd angel' and anyway he doesn't visit. I saw him once the night when I was outside Lisa's but that's just because Joshua told him I was out of Hell. He tried to make me go to you and then he showed up and said I needed to go to Stull…" Sam's voice drifted off and Dean sat staring at his brother. He was pissed but just as equally happy to see his pain in the ass little brother again. He saw a piece of paper that looked like a pay stub and leaned over and grabbed it from the coffee table.

"_Helen's Hilltop Bar and Restaurant_, what you a workin' stiff, too?"

"Yeah, they're cool there and don't ask questions. They're nice. I bartend for them." Dean nodded.

"You gotta work tonight?" Dean looked at his watch. Sam shook his head.

"Nah, they gave me my birthday off."

"So, how you doing the whole legit thing?"

"Huh? You mean the pay stub? It's hand written Dean it's not exactly official. Anyway, Missie pays me under the table she figured something was up when I couldn't produce a social security card. She knows about hunters though, her dad was one until he retired from it. She knows who I really am and asked her dad if I was okay … funny thing is he said he'd heard I was dead, anyway … yeah I work there." Dean lifted an eyebrow.

"Missie, huh?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"No way Dean, she's married and has a ten year old. What about you and Lisa? She's probably waiting for you, right?"

"I told her I'd be a couple days. I called her on my cell when I hit town to tell her I made it to Kansas."

"So, you guys working out or what?"

"I left hunting … retired I guess, like you wanted." Dean leaned back on the couch watching his brother sitting in the Lazy boy chair across from him.

"Not exactly answering the question about you and Lisa, man. What's it like sort of being a dad?" Dean shook his head.

"Ben's a great kid but the whole apple pie thing, its hard work Sam."

"You've made it work," Sam replied. Dean sighed.

"I promised you," Dean said quietly. "I had to make it work for you. I wasn't going to let you down."

"You didn't," Sam offered a soft smile. He was bone tired in more ways than he could count.

A long moment of quiet filled the room and Sam took a breath. "So, you need me to show you to town for a motel for the night or …"

"Motel? What you don't have a place for your big brother? I promise I don't snore," Dean quipped.

"No, it's just I thought maybe you wouldn't want … that you'd like your own …"

Dean put a hand up, "The couch is fine Sammy."

"No, there is a pull out in the bedroom down the hall, well, office actually; it's where I keep the laptop. There's a bathroom down there too with a shower. Good water pressure and plenty of warm water. You're sure you don't want a motel?" Dean couldn't miss the fact that Sam almost seemed desperate for him to not stay the night and that was exactly why he was.

"No, I'm good, a pull out is fine. So, what … no other beds upstairs?"

"No, the old couple I rent from, left a bed upstairs and whatever else you pretty much see with the exception of a couple things here and there that I've picked up at garage sales and second hand stores. You're sure?"

"Yeah, Sammy."

"Okay, I'll grab you some clean towels and sheets." Dean nodded and watched his brother climb the stairs, his steps heavy as if he carried the weight of the world.

**Later that Evening – 4:30 AM**

Dean was wrenched out of his sleep by a guttural scream … Sam's scream and he was up and running down the hall toward the staircase. God, Sam sounded like he was in agony. The scream continued and Dean took the stairs two at a time, "Sammy!"

**To Be Continued**


	5. Shattered

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Thanks for all of the review and PM's. they are all appreciated! This chapter may not end where you wanted it to, but what is coming I felt needed its own chapter, so I hope you enjoy this one. Happy Reading, I hope!

**Our Solemn Hour **

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 5: Shattered**

"… _All is lost. Hope remains, and this war's not over_ …" ~ lyric excerpt by Trading Yesterday, _Shattered_

Dean was wrenched out of his sleep by a guttural scream … Sam's scream and he was up and running down the hall toward the staircase. God, Sam sounded like he was in agony. The scream continued and Dean took the stairs two at a time, "Sammy!"

Dean made it up the stairs in record time and ran down the short hallway barefoot against the wooden floor. His heart was hammering a staccato rhythm against his sternum at his brother's cries. Dean ran into his brother's room by simply following the screams. He stopped for a moment as he watched Sam writhe in a fetal position inside a twisted sheet. "Sammy!" Dean reached out for his brother and gently grabbed his shoulder. "Wake up, it's okay …" but the act of comfort didn't give the desired effect and Sam reacted like he was being burned and jerked from the touch. His eyes still closed and he curled more into himself. Dean almost wished Sam were shouting something because as the guttural screams mutated into the sounds of a wounded and tortured animal his stomach turned and he tasted bile at the back of his throat. He swallowed it down and tried again, this time placing a hand, palm down on his forehead and running it back pushing sweat drenched bangs back. "Shh… Sammy, I'm here. Wake up!"

Sam's eyes snapped open and Dean jerked in surprise and his fear for his brother climbed. Sam's eyes were wild with fear and whatever he was seeing wasn't Dean. "No!" ripped out of Sam's throat and he thrashed wildly and scooted back against the headboard hitting his head against the hard wood with a thud. Dean reached out wanting to stop his brother from hurting himself. Sam thrashed out in survival mode and his elbow connected with Dean's chin as his older brother leaned forward to subdue him.

"Dammit" Dean complained under his breath as he tasted blood from his bitten lower lip. He thumbed the blood away. "Sam! Sammy!" he tried to make his voice more forceful but his presence just seemed to be causing his little brother's reaction to deepen into whatever inner nightmare he was reliving. Sam lurched forward again only to pull himself into a fetal position and rock softly as the wounded animal sounds started up again. Dean felt desperate to help his brother and did the only thing he could think of, "Cas!" he yelled. "Cas! I need some help here!"

There was a rush of wind and the brief sound of angel wings and Castiel stood at the end of the bed. "It's been a while Dean," his voice calm his eyes clouding as he looked on Sam.

"Forget the catching up Cas," Dean complained. "Help him. Make it stop."

"I will," he answered simply and stepped forward and bent low enough to touch two fingers to Sam's forehead and his eyes closed, his breathing evening out as a calm peace fell over his body and taut muscles relaxed. "He is resting now."

"No nightmares?" Dean's voice was serious as he looked at his brother and gently ran his hand through his long bangs.

"No nightmares," Castiel assured. The angel watched as Dean gently pulled Sam out of the fetal position he had curled himself into and pulled him up against his chest to rearrange him in the bed. He pulled the thin sheet back up over his brother as his fingers gently went to his brother's neck to feel his pulse. It was slowing to a less worrisome rate as his body fully relaxed.

"Will he sleep now?" Dean ran a tired hand across his gritty eyes.

"Yes, through the remains of the night," Cas assured.

"Good," Dean sighed in relief. "You downstairs, now," Dean all but ordered. Castiel simply nodded and was gone. Dean shook his head. "Can't leave a room like normal can you?" he complained. He looked back at Sam resting comfortably and left his younger brother to join Castiel downstairs.

**Sometime Later – Downstairs Family Room**

"So, this happens a lot," Dean leaned forward into his hand and closed his eyes. Castiel has enlightened him to his brother's nightmares.

"Every night, but tonight was exceptional," Cas commented casually.

"Oh, thanks for that Cas. That's great," Dean's voice was wry and angry.

"You asked," the angel answered easily. Dean just rolled his eyes in frustration.

"So, that's why he wanted me out of here, he knew…"

"Well, as I said it happens every night to varying degrees Dean but tonight…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I was there," Dean's voice was hostile.

"You're angry."

"You're damn right I'm angry," Dean stood up and paced. "If you know this goes on every night then why let him suffer if all your lazy angel ass has to do is touch him and he's out for the night and not like that …" Dean's arm swung in the direction of the staircase that led up to his brother.

"He doesn't want me here," Castiel replied.

"Well, that didn't stop you from showing up and telling him I was going to Stull, huh?" Dean accused. Castiel looked away for a moment.

"I could fix the separation. You both needed it," Cas answered.

"That's so Dr. Phil of you Cas, but it doesn't make it right that you could stop what he goes through at night."

"Dean, Sam must face the demons in his head and I can relieve him from the agony but it will always come back. There is no cure but to … as you humans like to say, 'work through it', did I say that right?"

Dean simply flipped Cas the one fingered salute and the angel had the presence of mind to at least look contrite.

There was a long moment where neither of them spoke and finally Dean cleared his throat and asked, "So, what happened to him? He's not gonna tell me, so …"

Castiel shook his head, "Talk to him. It is not my story to tell. Although, he was not in the cage long, he still endured Lucifer inside him even before Stull and the reopening of the cage that alone …"

"Yeah, I know," Dean stared at the floor. "But every night like this or at least to some degree…"

"He takes pills some nights just to help him sleep, take the edge off, but tonight…"

"He didn't do it," Dean's voice was exhausted. "Why?"

"They dull him make him vulnerable he felt he had to be able to protect you if anything supernatural came calling."

"You mean demons," Dean accused. "And, we can see that his stupid plan of protecting me went, oh, so well, damn nightmares."

"He's a hunter Dean and you've been retired …"

"Retired but not soft," Dean added hotly. "He's still my little brother and …"

"What? Still your responsibility to protect? Dean, Sam saved the world by winning a mental battle with Lucifer … I'm still in awe of him, we all are…"

"We who?"

"The angels … he saved mankind."

Dean noticed that the sun was beginning to come up. "I'm gonna go check on him," he stood up. "Ugh, thanks for …"

"Of course, if you need …"

"Yeah, I know." Dean turned to go upstairs and felt the slight rush of wind. "Still suck at goodbyes," he muttered to the empty room behind him as he started up the stairs toward Sam's room. He wanted to be there when Sammy woke up. He had a little brother to mend.

**To Be Continued**


	6. Silent All These Years

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Again, thank you for the reviews and PM's they are appreciated! This chapter is a little longer than the others have been. I hope it meets muster. Happy Reading, I hope!

**Side Note: **I took the title of this chapter from a Tori Amos song with the same title.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 6: Silent All These Years**

" … _For now the thought both of lost happiness and lasting pain torments him_ …" John Milton, _Paradise Lost_

**Early Morning, Sam's Place, May 3****rd**

Dean had wondered around the top floor and true to Sam's words there wasn't a lot up there and only one bed. It wasn't big upstairs; a couple small rooms down the hall mostly empty just the spare wooden wardrobe or smaller dressers. Dean stood looking out over the open field he could see outside Sam's window. He released the thin curtain when he heard the bed creak quietly as Sam stirred and sighed. He turned around and met his brother's eyes and smiled. "Mornin' sunshine," Dean's voice was relaxed. Sam studied his brother for a long moment.

"Morning, what are you doing up here? How long you been up here?" he sat up and ran a hand through his hair. Dean just watched him.

"Awhile," Dean answered evenly.

"I woke you up, huh? Sorry, but hey, I'm good" Sam tried for chagrinned but Dean could see the pain buried deep and Sam was trying to dodge and he wasn't going to let his little brother do that. "What?" Sam looked at Dean when his brother remained silent.

"You're good? That's gotta be a joke, right? Sam you scared the crap out of me last night." Sam huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes as he pushed the sheet off of him and threw his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Don't be dramatic Dean," Sam's voice sounded harsh but beneath the surface so weary. "Look I tried to get you to stay at a motel. So, I get a little vocal. They're just dreams."

"Just dreams?" Dean couldn't mask the incredulous sound in his voice. "You sounded like a Wendigo was ripping you a new one man." Dean's concern came across as anger. "Hell, Sam, we ain't been back together even twenty-four hours and you're already keeping secrets. Those nightmares are more hardcore than anything I went through dude. You were wild Sammy. I tried to wake you up but it's like I wasn't there I had to get some reinforcements …"

Sam's eyes snapped to his older brother. "What hell does that mean, reinforcements?"

"I yelled for Cas, okay? Get over it man, you needed him, hell, I needed him, you were on some kind of nightmare trip and you wouldn't snap out of it."

"So, what you let him do his angel whammy on me and I …"

"You what Sam? Sleep through the rest of the night without a nightmare, yeah that sounds about right. Look you were out of it man and I couldn't help you so I got someone that could, okay?"

"I don't need a keeper Dean. I've been doing just fine on my own. They're nightmares, so what?" Sam fumed. "I can handle it!"

"Really? You sure about that? 'Cause I see the couple bottles of pills that seem be handling some of it for you."

"Stay out of my stuff," Sam accused.

"They're sitting out in the open Sam," Dean pointed to the short bureau on the wall they sat on top of along with Sam's watch. "Anyway Cas knew about them and told me."

Sam turned to leave the room and Dean reached out a hand and gently grasped his little brother's right forearm. "Wait, Sammy, please…" Dean waited until Sam made eye contact with him. "Just talk to me man. You need to," he urged keeping his voice soft.

Sam just shook his head. "You didn't," he said flatly.

"Eventually I told you … a little … you know what I did while I was there, what Alistair had me doing when he took me off the rack."

"Yeah, you told me that eventually man, but there was a lot more you never talked about. Remember what you said to me on that pier … you said there aren't words and you were right. Look just because we've both been to Hell doesn't mean we experienced the same Hell, okay?"

"What? You sayin' I won't understand," Dean's eyes were hot. Sam's eyes softened.

"No, Dean, I know you'd understand but look we just had our own versions of Hell and you were right 'there aren't words' and talking about it isn't going to help." Sam started to leave again and Dean once again stopped him.

"I was wrong Sammy, okay? You need to deal with whatever it is that is haunting you man. Look I know all about the inner demons that piggy back in your head after that trip down under … I want to help," Dean's eyes were earnest. "Let me." There was the hint of a plea in his voice and the caring showing in his eyes made Sam's throat constrict. He swallowed hard.

"I can't," his voice trembled and he walked out of his room leaving Dean behind stricken silent by the raw emotion in Sam's face and voice.

**A Little While Later**

Dean walked out to the porch while Sam was in the shower. They had had a quiet cup of coffee in the kitchen and were going to go into town for breakfast. Dean needed to make a phone call. He pulled his cell out and selected the number he wanted and waited, it only rang twice, "Dean?" the voice sounded a little anxious on the other end and he couldn't help but smile softly in response.

"Hey Lisa," Dean's voice was gentle.

"Are you okay? I haven't heard from you since you got into Lawrence." She paused a moment. "How was the cemetery … are you okay?"

"Yeah, about that," Dean began. Lisa knew Sam was dead he had told her he had been killed in the process of stopping the apocalypse but hadn't gone into too many details. "Sort of ran into someone there."

"Someone or something," her voice was anxious. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm good," he assured. "Hey, how did Ben's soccer game go?"

"The team won and don't change the subject," her voice steady. "What happened?"

Dean paused because there was no gentle segue to the truth, so he just said it, "Sam," he said bluntly. "Sam was there. He came back. He's alive." There was dead silence on the phone for a long moment.

"Your brother Sam?" her voice sounded stunned and confused all at once and Dean did smile because he still sort of felt the same way, too.

"Yeah, long story, but all that matters is that he's alive. He needs my help Lisa," he lowered his voice and stepped off the porch not knowing if Sam was done with his shower upstairs and not wanting his kid brother to hear him.

"Bring him back to Cicero."

"He'll never do that."

"So what are you saying? How long are you going to be gone? Talk to him, he'll come. You can help find him a place. I don't want to know the details of whatever happened Dean, but I want you back here. You have a life here."

"Lisa I know that, okay? But, this is my brother and there is no way he'll come to Cicero to live. He's messed up right now and there is no way I'm leaving him."

"Okay," her answer was quiet. "Do what you have to for your brother but can you check in here … Ben will want to talk to you and hear your voice."

"Sure, look once his head is a little clearer …"

"Try to get him here Dean. Maybe he'll surprise you." Dean knew in his heart of hearts that his brother wasn't stepping foot in the house back in Cicero but he couldn't think about that now. There were a lot bigger issues at hand and Sam's emotional and mental health were what mattered to Dean right now.

"Yeah," Dean replied. "I better go Lisa Tell Ben I said Hi, okay? I'll keep in touch."

"Okay, where are you anyway?"

"Tonganoxie, Kansas."

"Tonga … where?" Dean huffed a laugh.

"Tonganoxie it's outside Lawrence," Dean heard the screen door open and he turned to see Sam standing there. He was dressed in jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt, his hair still damp and pushed back. He waved at his brother and offered and tentative smile, "I gotta go, Sam's here. I'll call," he assured. The phone call ended with some too quiet whispers that Sam couldn't hear.

"That Lisa?" Sam asked without preamble.

"Had to call her," Dean answered. "Told her I'd be here for a while."

Sam shook his head, "You should go back to your life Dean. We can keep in touch." Dean looked at his brother like he had suddenly sprouted horns.

"Sammy this ain't like you've been away on some long trip man and were catching up," Dean rubbed a hand across his tired eyes. "I'm here, okay?"

Sam didn't have the energy to argue. "You hungry? I'm starving? Come on," Sam raised his keys and started walking toward his jeep.

"I can drive," Dean offered and looked at the Impala. Sam eyed the familiar black car and shook his head.

"Nah, come on," he jerked his head toward his jeep. "Anyway, you don't know where the hell you're going around here. I got it covered."

Dean nodded and followed his brother "Yeah, okay."

The jeep moved down the asphalt toward town and Dean glanced over at his quiet brother and watched as the wind buffeted his hair. "So, where we going?"

"Corky's," Sam answered easily.

"Who's that?" Dean looked squarely at his brother. Sam laughed.

"Not who … it's a restaurant in town."

"Oh."

Sam parked in a spot outside the non-descript restaurant, "Come on." Sam urged and Dean climbed out. Sam pulled on the door and let Dean walk in first and Sam followed in.

"Sam, good morning kiddo," a waitress, an older woman with a name badge on that said Sherry on it smiled at Sam.

"Hey Sherry," Sam smiled easily at the older woman. The woman eyed Dean.

"So, a booth today … since you have a guest or do you want your usual spot at the bar?" Sam offered her a dimpled smile that edged on sheepish. Dean smirked. He couldn't figure out how his little brother could still look sheepish and pull off that dewy-eyed thing he was still a sucker for.

"Sherry," Sam tossed a thumb in Dean's direction. "This is Dean, my older brother. He's visiting from Indiana." Dean didn't miss the _visiting_ comment from his younger sibling.

"Brother? Aren't we full of surprises," she looked Dean over and smiled. "Yep, I can see it in the eyes. Hi Dean, nice to meet you."

"Thanks Sherry, likewise."

Sam and Dean sat and ate their breakfasts in silence for a long time and finally Dean had to say something. "So, people know you around here, huh?"

"I live here Dean, yeah, I know some." Sam answered and clammed up. Dean sighed.

"Care to expand on that?" Dean urged. He was trying to get Sam to talk about anything.

"I eat here sometimes; it's a good place to stop when I work over late at work. They open at 6 AM, so they come in handy when I'm coming off a late night and clean-up at work. They got good coffee."

"Yeah?" Dean didn't know what else to ask. He had remembered them driving by a movie theater on the way here and an idea sprang up. "So, you wanna maybe catch a movie tonight or something?"

Sam shook his head. "Nah, I can't. Gotta work I only had my birthday off. The Biker Bash is happening this weekend and we're packed."

"Biker Bash?" Dean reiterated with a look.

"Yeah, it's an annual thing," Sam supplied. "Helen's Hilltop Annual Biker Bash."

"You said you bartend there?"

"Yeah, you can come if you want. The beers cheap and I'm sure you can get a good pool game, too." Sam paused. "No hustling …" his voice dropped off.

"I haven't done that in a while Sam," Dean supplied. "Your promise made me go legit remember?" Sam dropped his eyes from his brother's as his memory's went back to that car ride toward Detroit when he made Dean promise not to try and get him out of the cage, out of Hell … made him promise to go to Lisa.

**Helen's Hilltop, Later that Night**

Dean had met the crew and Missie and they all seemed like a good bunch of people. Dean was glad that Sam hadn't surrounded himself with shady people. He kept going outside to check out some of the awesome looking bikes, some classics, some Hogs and of course a few crotch rockets. Dean had to admit it was one hell of a party and it almost made him think things were good with Sam, almost … but he knew this was all a front. He could see in through a window at Sam working the bar, the smile, the laughs and it was all one big damn front. He could see past it all and it made his gut clench because it sparked a fear of losing his little brother. There were much worse losses that didn't include death.

Missie's father made an appearance and walked up to Dean. "Sort of remind me of your old man," he said easily. "I can spot a Winchester anywhere." Dean looked at the man. "Jack Benning, I'm Missie's dad."

"Hi sir, so you knew my dad, huh?"

"That I did. He even saved my ass once on a hunt that went south. So," he pitched his head back toward the window and Sam. "You here to help the kid?" Dean's eyes were wide for a moment and tried to play it off.

"He looks like he's doing okay to me."

"Oh yeah," Jack mused. "Look I've seen the look before in Nam and he's got some kind of kick ass monkey on his back. He's been through some shit," he looked Dean over and into his eyes, "you too, I'm guessing but …"

"Yeah," Dean offered his voice a bit stressed.

"Here," Jack handed Dean an envelope. "Missie called to tell me earlier that Sam's big brother was here and it got me thinking. If that kid in there is even a 10th the hard headed stubborn bastard your dad was then it'll be a snowy day in the Mojave before he talks about whatever is eatin' him. Take it," he motioned for Dean to open the envelope.

"It's keys and directions," Dean looked confused.

"Take a few days at my cabin. It's a two hour drive from here. It has some good fishing, quiet and maybe…" he left it unfinished and Dean knew what he meant… get Sam talking.

"I don't think I'll be able to get him to take off with this Bash thing," Dean looked through the window at his brother.

"Let him finish tonight and we got it covered. Just get that boy's head on straight before it eats him alive."

"Thanks," Dean gave the man a sincere look.

"Yeah, yeah, look I owed your dad one, okay, so I'm just paying it forward with his boys."

**The Next Day, on the road**

"You gonna talk anytime today grumpy?" Dean looked over at Sam sitting in the passenger seat of the Impala. Sam stared out the window. "Hello, Earth to Sam."

"What? Look I'm in the car going to who knows where. I shouldn't have left the bar in a bind."

"You know Missie said she's got it covered. They survived before you Sam, they'll be okay. Anyway, I told you this is some vacation time that Jack was offering. He said he owed Dad one and thought we'd like his cabin.

"Whatever," Sam grumbled. The kid was on lockdown and Dean was determined to break the lock and take whatever level of pain and anger Sam could dish out. He'd take his share if it helps Sam find some peace.

**Two Days Later at the Cabin**

They were sitting by the quiet lake their fishing poles put aside and just watching the ducks swim by as dusk approached. "Sammy?"

"Don't Dean."

"Don't what?"

"Start up with the 'you gotta talk' crap, I'm good."

"You're not. You can tell me," Dean urged. "You have to talk about it."

"I don't have to do damn thing," Sam stood up and started walking back to the cabin. Dean was up and going after Sam, the gloves had to come off, no more soft stepping around his brother.

"Yeah, you do," he grabbed Sam by the arm and in hindsight should have seen the fist coming but he didn't until it collided with right side of his jaw snapping his head to the left. Damn the kid had a hell of a right. Sam was on him and he stepped back and blocked another punch, tasting blood from the first.

"Screw you!" Sam ground out. He wasn't pulling his punches and this fight was escalating quickly. Dean went from offense to defense and his fist connected with Sam's jaw and saw blood blossom on his bottom lip.

"Sam stop it," Dean shouted as he side stepped a knee jab. "Sonofabitch," he hissed out as he barely avoided the rib breaking kick. He dropped low and swept Sam's legs out from under him, dropping quick and elbowing Sam in the ribs, enough to hurt maybe slow him down but not break anything. Sam was fighting hard.

Dean struggled to pin his brother and managed to work himself behind him, wrapping his arms and legs around his tall brother while he was on the ground. Sam struggled like a wild Colt bucking the bit and lead for the first time. "Talk to me!" he barked. "Let it out Sammy," he begged. "Please, it's killing you … let it go, I'm here."

Sam was bucking and growling in his brother's hard grip, trying to break free of the solid hold. "Let go Sammy, please," Dean's voice broke but his hold didn't. Sam was choking on tears of anger and agony now but he still struggled in his brother's four point hold. "I'm here Sammy, I'm not leaving you," at those words Sam broke.

The guttural scream of agony echoed into the night sky and the crescendo grew from guttural raw screams to wailing sobs that spilt Dean's heart in two and threatened to render his soul in pieces for the pain he felt coming off his brother in waves. The wailing continued to echo and Dean held on to his little brother as his masks and guarded walls fell away, "I'm here," he whispered into his brother's ear trying to make him hear him above the wailing. "Sammy, I'm here."

**To Be Continued**


	7. Clenched Soul, Part 1

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made

**Note to Readers: **As always thanks again for the reviews and PM's that you send me. My time lately has been getting bogged down but I want to try to update every weekend for you. This chapter is shorter than I wanted but I wanted to get something out, so I've made a little tweak and the next chapter will be longer and will be part 2 of this chapter. I hope you enjoy this one and sorry for the semi-cliffhanger. Happy Reading, I hope!

**Side Note: **The title of this chapter comes from the poet Pablo Neruda.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 7: Clenched Soul, part 1**

"_There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard no song that I could sing … It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving, I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together …_" ~ lyrics excerpt by Jack Johnson, _Better Together_

**The Cabin, at Dusk**

The wailing continued to echo and Dean held on to his little brother as his masks and guarded walls fell away, "I'm here," he whispered into his brother's ear trying to make him hear him above the wailing. "Sammy, I'm here."

Dean held Sam long after his back was cramping from the odd position he kept while holding his brother. Dusk was fast becoming night and he noticed that Sam's sobs had quieted and had left the younger man trembling in his big brother's embrace. "Sammy?" Dean leaned forward and talked quietly into his little brother's ear. "Think you're up for inside kiddo? I think the mosquitos will have us for dinner if we don't," Dean tried to sound light. He felt Sam nod ever so slightly against his chest but he said nothing. "Okay, on three," he counted and pulled Sam up with him. Sam was trembling and looked pale in the dim early evening light. Dean put an arm around his brother's shoulders and one around his waist supporting him and keeping him pulled against his side to try and ease the tremors that shook his younger sibling. "You're doin' good Sammy," he encouraged. "Just lean on me little brother." Sam said nothing but stayed with Dean and allowed him to support him on the short walk back to the cabin.

Dean deposited Sam on the couch and went to get a blanket from the bureau by the TV. When he turned around Sam had curled onto his side, his legs slightly pulled up. He looked so vulnerable and it made Dean ache. He walked over to his brother as he slung the throw blanket over a shoulder. "Hey, kiddo," he gently placed a hand on his brother's knee and felt the taut muscles, he squeezed the knee and moved Sam's leg back down and out of the curled position and did the next with the other leg, "no pretzel boy Sammy, your Sequoia legs aren't meant for that," he smiled gently and then lowered the blanket down over his brother. Sam's silence was deafening to Dean. He stood and looked down at his brother and with a soft sigh made a decision, "scoot a little down Sammy," Dean urged as he gently began to Badger butt into the space where Sam's head had been. He patted his jean clad thigh and without question Sam dropped his head using his big brother as a pillow.

Dean dropped a comforting hand onto Sam's head and absently pulled his little brother's bangs back and released. He kept the soothing repetitions up unto Sam's trembling slowed and stopped and his breathing eased into sleep. There was time to talk but Dean knew they were on shaky ground and if he wasn't careful his fragile brother would completely and utterly shatter. Sam whimpered in his sleep and Dean looked down, his hand resuming its repetitious soothing, "I'm here Sammy, you're safe," he said quietly and the whimpering stopped and Dean watched Sam's troubled brow ease. "That's my boy," his voice filled with big brother pride and love.

**Sunrise, the next day**

A soft ray of early morning sun fell on Dean and he squinted. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He felt the weight of Sam's head still on his thigh and looked down at his brother who was still sleeping, thankfully peaceful. He had been there to head off the start of any nightmare the previous night and was happy to see that Sam had slept through the night without a single breakout night terror and he didn't need any pills either. Sam stirred and tilted his head up and looked at his brother. "Mornin' sunshine," Dean offered with a smile. "How about some scrambled eggs and bacon," he offered lightly. Sam nodded. Dean's mouth thinned for the briefest of moments at Sam's silence but he was willing to eat so that was good enough for Dean, at least for now.

Breakfast had been a quiet affair and Sam went to stand and walk his plate over to the sink and Dean reached across the table and put his hand on Sam's forearm. "Sammy?"

"I'm okay Dean," Sam answered softly. It was the first words he had spoken since before his breakdown the previous night.

"Try again kiddo," Dean leveled an understanding gaze on his brother.

"No nightmares last night, well none that I can remember," Sam's voice was still quiet.

"I just headed them off at the pass Sammy … look last night was a step in a good direction but you need to talk to me and if not me someone …" he offered. Sam shot him a look, his eyes wide.

"What? See a shrink, no way in hell," and Sam cringed at his choice of words. Dean squeezed his forearm.

"Sammy, last night just proves you need to talk about it, you need it off your chest, okay?"

Sam pulled his arm out of his brother's grasp and stood up, "Last night was a mistake. It won't happen again," Sam shut down before Dean's eyes and he saw anger there again.

"No, no way are you clamming up again. What? You want to throw some more punches, if it'll make you feel better go ahead, but you're talking." Sam struck so fast that Dean never even saw it coming. The attack was surgical and quick and his world went into blackness a second later.

Sam looked down at his unconscious brother and the blood on his knuckles from the vicious blow. "Dean?" Sam's voice choked but he didn't move just stared. There was no answer from Dean. No movement either and Sam started to shake. He knelt and pressed shaky fingers to his brother's neck and felt a strong pulse beneath them, just unconscious. Sam tried to remember the strike, the feeling before but there was nothing. It had come out of him so quickly, he was lethal … dangerous to those he loved. "I'm sorry," he choked, his voice wet with unshed tears. His eyes welled but the tears didn't fall. "I'm dangerous," he whispered.

Dean came to and stared at the ceiling, he was still on the floor. He blinked at the bright sunlight streaming in through the window. He felt the heat of the sun on his skin. This wasn't early morning sun. He sat up slowly and rubbed his jaw and fingered dried blood on his lower lip. "Sammy," he called out and looked around. "Sammy, answer me!" he struggled to stand and was glad that once he was on his feet that the room stayed in one place. "Sam!" there was no answer. He did a sweep of the small cabin and found no trace of Sam and it made his heart slam against his sternum.

Then the site of something or rather the lack of something made his heart plunge to his feet, the large Bowie knife was missing from its leather sheath and for Dean a missing weapon and a missing, distraught and very screwed up little brother did not equate to a good situation.

He tore outside the door and scanned the area, no Sam and Dean forced himself to calm down in order to track his brother. He felt the pressure of the situation and knew he had to find Sam and quick. He stopped and called out for Castiel but when the angel didn't arrive within a minute he figured he was on his own. He needed to find his little brother.

"Sammy?" he called out as he followed the traces that led toward the way his brother had fled into the dense woods.

**To Be Continued**


	8. Clenched Soul, Part 2

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Thanks again for the reviews and PM's. Not sure about this chapter but wanted to get something out to you this weekend despite the holiday. Happy reading, I hope!

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 8: Clenched Soul, Part 2**

" … _This experience reminds me of a clock that just won't tick. I want to wake up from this concussion, but my dreams just not done. I'm late again, it's just one of those bad days, look outside and be careful what you ride, you just might find that you're out of time_ …" lyric excerpt by Jack Johnson, _Drowning_

**The Woods**

Dean moved quickly and methodically as he followed the signs his brother left behind. It wasn't easy but it was clear Sam was upset because he hadn't covered his trail as good as he would have otherwise and Dean was appreciative for this small favor. He had called for Castiel under his breath a couple more times to no avail. He glanced at his watch and ran a frustrated a hand across his eyes. Sam had had a big lead in time and as high as the sin was over the green tree canopy he knew that the afternoon was slowly starting its decent into dusk. He figured that he had a good two or three hours before he started losing light. He had to find Sam.

The trek into the woods Dean figured was already a good mile into the green and wood, "Sammy!" he yelled. "Answer me!" He paused and waited, his only reward was silence. "Please, Sam, come on kiddo." Dean searched his movements edging toward frantic. He forced himself to reign in his emotions, he couldn't lose it, and he had to find his brother.

And he did …

He spotted a dark figure leaned up against a tree facing a creek that worked its way through the woods toward the lake back near the cabin. He recognized the long legs stretched out and the shoulder, although the rest of Sam was hidden by the tree. "Sam?" he called out only to be ignored. He couldn't see his brother's face or hands but the bowie knife was no where within his sight. He had to be careful not to spook his little brother. "Sam, look it's going to be okay, alright? I'm not pissed about you hitting me, I sort of deserved it … I pushed and shouldn't have. Where's the knife?" Dean spoke evenly and gentle as he approached his brother. He took a breath and walked around the tree to see his brother and his world stopped.

"Sammy!" Dean was on his knees at his brother's side immediately. Sam's head was canted to the side, his long bangs obscuring his closed eyes. "No, please," Dean pleaded. Sam was the color of alabaster, his lips translucent. His forearms were both cut from the crook of his elbow to his wrists although one arm was deeper than the other. Dean idly thought for a moment … must have cut something and had trouble holding the knife for the second arm but he'd managed anyway.

Blood was gathered around each hand like a thick, gelatinous reddish black halo. The leaves and dirt were soaking up his brother's life. "Sammy?" Dean choked. He felt for a pulse and felt a barely there thump against his fingers. Sam's breathing was labored at best, so shallow at times it seemed as though he'd stopped altogether. "Sam, come on, okay? Open you eyes," Dean demanded. He was already ripping his outer shirt off and into strips trying to stop the bleeding which seemed to be hardly flowing now as Sam's heart tired. He tied off the wounds and ground his fist into his little brother's sternum hoping to draw him into consciousness but he didn't respond. "Please, Sammy, I'm not gonna lose you now … not like this, I can't," Dean begged.

"Cas! Please! I need you!" Dean screamed up into the tree canopy and then he heard it behind him the familiar sound of angel wings. "Cas, fix him, please, he's hurt…"

"He's dying," the angel corrected him. Dean growled and leveled the angel with a deadly glare. He crouched at his brother's side and felt for a pulse. It was so infrequent, that Dean knew within minutes it would stop.

"Fix him," Dean demanded.

"He's a suicide Dean," Castiel studied the youngest Winchester. "We are not permitted to mend one who takes his own life. It's a la…."

"Screw your laws," Dean finished the word he knew Cas was going to say. "He's still alive Cas he hasn't taken anything, please …" The angel stood and watched. "Look you winged bastard you got him to come to me at Stull you brought him back into my life, fix him now!" Dean demanded. "He saved the fucking world and heaven owes him, owes me! Do it now!"

Dean realized that Sam was no longer breathing and felt his neck and his heart still fought to pump despite the obviously fatal blood loss. "Now!"

Castiel started at the final yell and the guttural desperate sound of it and nodded. He knelt at Sam's side and pulled the dressing free exposing the mortal wounds. He touched each arm and healed the grisly arms wounds. He touched Sam's chest over his heart and then his forehead. "He will rest now and the sleep will be long as his body regains its strength."

"Thank you," Dean could feel the strong pulse bounding under his fingers.

"Dean, I mended his body but not his mind, not his bruised soul," Castiel pointed out in an even tone as he looked on Dean with soft eyes.

"I know," Dean sounded lost and scared and Castiel knew it was for his little brother's well being and future.

"Here, I will return you both to the cabin as it is too far to carry him." Dean nodded and held Sam against his chest tightly and closed his eyes as Castiel touched his fingers to both of their foreheads and in an instance they were safely back in the cabin.

**The Cabin, 8 PM**

Dean sat in the dim light of Sam's room at the cabin. He watched the regular rise and fall of Sam's chest and relaxed only a fraction. Sam had barely stirred since being returned to the cabin a few hours ago.

"You should eat," Castiel's voice spoke quietly from the doorway. Dean looked over in surprise.

"I thought you bailed awhile ago," he offered matter of fact.

"No, I've been outside on the porch allowing you some time to clean him up and sit with him. Dean gave the angel a look he wasn't sure how to decipher. "What?"

Dean shook his head, "Nothing … it's just you finally grasping personal space and when to back off not usually your strong point." Dean paused and his eyes softened a moment toward the angel. "Thanks for healing him Cas."

Castiel nodded. The stirring sounds of a sheet and blanket brought Dean's attention back to his brother. He sat in the chair next to Sam's bed. "Sammy, you in there man?"

Sam sighed and his eyes opened slowly. His eyes fell on the concerned ones of his big brother. His mind was foggy, "Dean?"

"Yeah," Dean's voice was rough and Sam could see heavy concern in them. "It's dark," Sam scrunched his eyes sideways at the window.

"Yeah, you've been resting. Do you remember what happened?"

Sam was silent for a moment and then he studied his brother and saw the bruised jaw and small cut on his bottom lip and it all came back in a flood … the punch, the knife … blood ….

He moved his arms tentatively and didn't feel pain. He looked at them and saw perfectly unblemished arms. "But, I …"

"Yeah, I know," Dean's voice was an odd mixture of anger and fear. "Sammy, you almost died." Sam curled onto his side toward his brother but did not meet Dean's gaze.

"Should have … wanted too," Sam sounded broken.

"Don't say that," Dean's voice grabbed inside his throat. "I almost lost you out there and if Cas hadn't…"

"He had no right to heal me," Sam lamented quietly.

"You weren't thinkin' straight Sammy … he saved your life because I asked him to heal you. What you did out there … you gotta promise me you'll never try that crap again," Dean's voice was desperate and pleading. Sam was silent. "I'm not playing Sammy, I can't go through that again, hell, even if I hadn't been the one to find you like that and got some call tellin' me that you killed yourself … I couldn't handle it man, I can't…" Dean stood up and ran a hand across his face and over his head rubbing his hair.

"Can't what?" Sam asked so quietly Dean could have missed it but he hadn't.

"Lose you Sammy," Dean confirmed. "I just got you back. Promise me," his voice was pleading and Sam hazarded a look at his big brother and saw the pain and fear there but he also saw love, unobstructed and pure. He offered a shaky nod of agreement and for now it would be enough for Dean. Sam blinked a little longer and Dean ran a gentle hand up and through his little brother's long bangs. "Sleep Sammy, I'm here, okay?" Sam's eyes slid closed and Dean sat vigil.

Castiel watched in silence from the door and backed out silently to wait in the front room until Dean was ready to leave Sam's side for a short break a few feet away.

**Two Hours Later**

Sam leaned over the toilet and heaved too tired to keep his head up and when he tried to lean forward to become ill again he felt his brother's warm hand cup his forehead and support his head while the other arm circled around Sam's middle. "You're okay Sammy," Dean soothed. "Guess Cas healed ya but didn't quite take away all the effects of your day, huh?" Sam finished and leaned back. Dean looked him over and his kid brother looked like 100 miles of bad road. Dean handed him a glass of water, "rinse," he urged and Sam obeyed. He took the glad from his brother's shaking hand. Sam's eyes looked distant and lost as Dean kneeled back down and took a cool wash cloth and wiped the droplets of sweat from his brother's forehead. "You good or are you gonna pull another Linda Blair on me?"

There was a moment of evaluation on Sam's part and then he looked at Dean, "I'm done," he offered quietly.

Castiel had been gone awhile now leaving the brother's to sort things out. Dean followed close behind Sam as he shuffled back to his room. "Maybe, this is residual stuff from the blood loss," Dean suggested in a distracted voice. Sam offered a slight nod but didn't answer. Sam slid back into bed on shaky legs. "Think you can keep some juice down? Maybe, some soda crackers, too?" Sam wanted to say no but knew it would make his brother feel better and the juice would probably help with the shakiness a little.

**A Short While Later**

Dean sat quietly next to Sam and finally broke the fragile silence, "I won't push anymore Sammy, okay? How about we make a deal, you tell me in pieces when you can a little at a time. How does that sound?"

"Dean," Sam's voice sounded sandpaper raw. "I don't think I can," he sounded so lost to Dean and it made his soul ache to help his brother. He had always been the one Sam could come to when they were younger, the one to make the wrong things as right as they could be considering their twisted lives. This wasn't any different.

"Just try Sammy," Dean urged gently. "Start off slow, your first thought, feeling, whatever, a memory, maybe …" he left the sentence hanging as he gauged his fragile little brother curled on his side under a thin sheet watching his big brother with distant eyes. Dean waited long minutes and then Sam spoke with a voice that had Dean not been looking at him would have sworn his little brother was twelve again. He sounded so young, so scared and Dean felt his protective big brother instincts flare.

"I remember saying 'yes' and when he took me over …" Sam visibly shuddered, his voice a mere anguished whisper.

**To Be Continued**


	9. Until it Sleeps

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Time was short again, so I hope this isn't too bad. Again, thanks for the reviews and PM's, I appreciate them all. This chapter is around 5 pages. Happy Reading, I hope.

**Our Solemn Hour **

**By Dawn Nyberg**

**Chapter 9: Until it Sleeps**

"_Where do I take this pain of mine? I run but it stays right by my side. So tear me open and pour me out there's things inside that scream and shout … So tear me open but beware there's things inside without a care and the dirt still stains me, so wash me until I'm clean …_" Lyrics excerpt by Metallica, _Until it Sleeps_

"I remember saying 'yes' and when he took me over …" Sam visibly shuddered, his voice a mere anguished whisper.

"You do?" Dean's voice was soft. Sam nodded. "You remember him closing up the hole in the wall?"

"Yeah," Sam's voice shook. "I was there Dean … just trapped inside. When he left you there we went somewhere not sure where an abandoned place," Sam closed his eyes briefly.

"Sammy, it's okay, it's late … why don't you rest?" he urged gently, not wanting to push his fragile sibling.

Sam was quiet for a long moment, "There were people," Sam said suddenly and Dean frowned in confusion.

"People?"

"From my past Dean ever since I was a kid Lucifer called them Azazel's gang. They had been around me ever since I was a kid. My prom date … a former teacher and more …" Sam's voice was quiet but held the tone of betrayal.

"Why them?"

"Pay back for yanking my chain or something like that …" Dean felt a cold sweat ignite along his spine.

"Pay back? Sammy what did that angel bastard put you through?"

"They're dead all of them," and the flatness of Sam's voice scared Dean. "I ripped them apart," he shuddered under the sheet. Dean's eyes blazed suddenly.

"Hey," his voice firm. "You didn't do anything, it was him okay, him not you." Sam shook his head.

"No, I was there Dean he said he'd take the gag off we talked to each other in the mirror, it was me…" Sam choked.

"Listen," Dean dropped a hand on top of Sam's head. "Yeah, you were awake in there for all of it but it wasn't you moving your body Sammy, it was him … understand?" Sam was quiet. "Hey?"

"I understand," Sam offered quietly. Dean wasn't convinced but it would have to do for now. "Sammy, you don't have to keep talking right now, okay? Look, I know I wasn't a font of sharing when I got back but what I did tell you eventually did sort of help not so much weight, ya know?" Sam tilted his head and looked up at his brother from his pillow. Dean flashed a reassuring smile.

"Hell is agony Dean … it's just a word, a thought until you're there…" Sam just talked like part of him was here and another part elsewhere.

"I know, I just wish you didn't know," Dean replied honestly.

"I'm sorry you went there for me," Sam's voice was a whisper.

"I'm not … I'd do it again," Dean's voice was strong and sure.

"I can't put into words what it was like with him inside. He plays with your mind, your weaknesses … when he was beating you, I…"

"Sammy…"

"No, he wanted me to hurt to finally break me by using me to kill you. I wouldn't give in and he said he felt me scratching away inside, I think he wanted me broken, so he had nothing opposing him especially his vessel."

"Sammy, you beat him, you got control," Dean spoke evenly. "I don't think anyone else could have done that. I'm alive because of you … you stopped him from killing me."

"No, you did and …"

"And, what?"

"The Impala," Sam answered honestly.

"Huh?"

"You kept saying you were there for me that I wasn't alone that you weren't leaving me but…"

"But?"

"He was going to kill you Dean with that final hit … crush your skull with that punch but the sun caught on the chrome around the window and then I saw the plastic toy soldier and the memories of when we were kids came flooding back and then everything else came back and I took control…"

"I'm proud of you Sammy," Dean ran his hand through his brother's hair.

The night drug on for long hours and Sam talked and Dean listened. He told him what he could remember of the cage and God, a presence and a voice he heard that peeled Lucifer from him like an onion layer and coming to Cicero and finally leaving when he was sure Dean was okay … settled. Sam fell into a restless sleep and Dean was too tired to try and sleep in the chair and he wasn't leaving his brother, so he climbed in top of the covers and stretched out next to his little brother. Sleep washed up and over him like a wave and he let it pull him under but not before dropping and arm across his brother's back reassurance for both of them and sleep came … peaceful and safe.

Dean woke to the pale light of early morning and looked to his side and smiled. Sam had turned toward him in the night and his hand was bunched in the tail of Dean's shirt. He glanced at the clock and rubbed a hand over his eyes to clear the fogginess in them, it was a little after 7 AM. Dean remained still for a few minutes and decided he'd make some coffee and breakfast. He reached over and gently tickled his brother's nose. Sam snuffled and released the grip he had on Dean's shirt to absently rub his nose in his sleep. Dean stifled a chuckle and slid out of bed. He glanced at Sam once more before going down the short hall to the kitchen, his face looked relaxed, less burdened, if only a little.

Sam was pulled from his slumber by smells of sausage and bacon commingling with the scents of coffee. His stomach responded with a gurgled roll. He rolled from his side to his back and stared at the wood beam ceiling for a few moments and listened to his brother bang and clang as quietly as possible. He went over the events of the previous day in his head and what he's said to Dean. He took a shaky breath and sat up. A slight painful twinge in his arms as he pushed up reminded him of what he'd done. He looked at his unblemished arms fully remembering what they looked like before, he had felt dying was the best thing to keep Dean safe to make everyone safe, but seeing his brother's agony the other night told him he'd made a stupid decision, but he was still a time bomb of sorts and he knew it. There was a level of rage scratching away inside him he was afraid to release fully. He scrubbed a hand across his face and then ran it through his long hair.

The sounds of Dean humming broke Sam from his troubling thoughts and he listened, _not Metallica, so he's not nervous_, he thought to himself as he tried to decipher the tune and then smiled, _Led Zeppelin's Ramble On, Dean was relaxed_, dimples creased Sam's cheeks and he climbed out of bed. A little dizzy still from yesterday's blood loss but better than he had been. He walked out of the room feeling the cool wood floor on his feet.

Dean looked up when the floor creaked, "Mornin' Sunshine," he smiled. He glanced at the clock, "8 a.m., eh? Wow, for you that's practically sleepin' the day away Sammy," Dean teased.

"And?" Sam just smiled as he took a seat at the table in the small kitchen.

"Nothing," Dean offered lightly. "Just playin' with you little brother." He looked his sibling over quickly as he turned to flip a pancake. "You look a little more rested," he replied casually as he worked with the pancakes. "Any nightmares?"

Sam thought for a moment and answered honestly, "Nah, none that I can recall."

"Good … so, you want pancakes, eggs, sausage or bacon to start?"

"Yes," Sam answered with a glint and Dean looked at his brother and laughed.

"Ha," he barked. "I've converted you, finally it only took years, you have been assimilated," Dean joked. "Welcome to the collective Sammy," Dean teased. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Jerk," he said under his breath. Dean just smiled.

"Bitch," his tone was uncharacteristically gentle. "So, the buffet it is," he jested and started loading a plate for his little brother. His heart a little less heavy than it had been in a long time.

They ate and talked about nothing special, it was easy, relaxed and Dean wasn't going to push. Sam would talk as he was able and Dean would just follow his cues on when to ask and gently nudge. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"We've been here a few days now and …" Sam played with his eggs.

"You ready to go back to Tonganoxie?"

"It's just that I've missed a lot of days Dean and I wasn't even there for the end of the biker bash…"

"Jack said it was okay to be here for how ever long… but, we can go back Sammy if it's what you want."

"We?" Dean looked confused at his brother for a moment.

"Yeah, we," he reiterated. "Where would I go?" Sam looked at his big brother as if he'd sprung another head.

"Cicero dumb ass," he replied with a look of astonishment. "I mean, have you even called Lisa since we've been at the cabin?"

"No reception here dude, she knows I'm with you."

"Your life is in Indiana now Dean, look you can come whenever you want, okay? I'm stayin' in Tonganoxie for a while."

Dean sat for a moment and studied his little brother. He knew him once better than anyone but he could see that his brother had added some new layers to himself that he needed to learn, "you're my family Sammy, my little brother and I'm where you are, okay?"

"No, Dean" Sam's voice was understanding and soft. "Look I'll email everyday and you can call me or whatever, hell even come for weekends now and again when you want. Go back to Lisa and Ben," he urged. "But, I can't go there man, it's not where I feel I fit for now, it's in Tonganoxie and the bar."

"We'll head out in a little bit, okay?" Dean looked at Sam. "We just gotta clean the place up and stuff, pack …"

Sam offered a tentative smile and went back to eating as Dean nodded at him.

Dean's mind and heart filled with dueling thoughts while his soul held another decision. It was a battle he wasn't sure of the outcome.

**To Be Continued**


	10. Invictus

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Sorry, for the short chapter but I have been so busy this week I have had almost zero time to write. I hope I have more time between now and next weekend, so the next chapter can have a little more bulk to it. As always, thank you for the reviews and PM"s you send me. They are all appreciated! Happy Reading, I hope.

**Side Note: **The chapter title is named for the poem that this chapter has an excerpt from.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 10: Invictus**

"… _My head is bloodied, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds and shall find me unafraid…"_poem excerpt by William Earnest Henley, _Invictus_

Sam wiped down the bar and grabbed a clean towel to dry it. He glanced over at Dean putting away pool cues and racking the balls neatly on the table. "You don't have to do that man," Sam mused across the quiet room. The bar had been closed a good hour and he was cleaning up. They had been back four days now and settled into this routine of Dean coming to the bar and hanging out or shooting the breeze outside over cars and bikes.

"Well, you're on your own here man, I just thought I'd help. I'm bored," Dean commented easily.

"Well, the closed the kitchen down a good hour before closing tonight, so everyone else got done early … anyway, I think they're under the impression your free help man," Sam smiled. "Seriously Dean, it's been four days, come on you gotta go back to Lisa and Ben. Your little trip to Stull has turned into almost two weeks away dude … aren't you missing soccer or something?"

"Sammy," Dean groaned. "I called her okay? I'm good."

"No," Sam put down the towel and walked around the bar and approached his brother. "I'm not gonna be the reason you throw it all away man. I'm not gonna pull a stunt like I did at the cabin again … I said we'd keep in touch. I'm not going anyhwere," Sam assured.

"Sam," Dean walked and stood in front of his brother. "I can't just leave you man, we're family. I…"

"You'll what Dean? Look dude your ass is in the car in the morning and going back to Cicero. I'll be here when you can visit."

"You're not the boss of me dude … last I checked I was the older one in this equation."

"I'm serious Dean," Sam looked at his brother for along moment. "What? You don't trust me to not check out on you one way or the other?" Sam's tone was bitter.

"No," Dean's voice was quiet. "I know you won't try the cabin stunt again or take-off to parts unknown, it's just … look Sammy, for the longest time I thought you were dead and thinking about where you were killed me a little everyday and keeping the promise I made to you … you're my little brother and …"

"And, what? You want to be here for me? Dean, man, you are even if you're a few hours away you're still here for me, okay? Please," Sam's tone wasn't forceful just simple and matter of fact. He smiled softly at his brother, a genuine smile, maybe no dimples but it was real nonetheless. Dean sighed and rubbed a hand across his face and over his hair.

Sam knew with that simple action from his brother he'd won the battle of wills he'd been waging for the past four days with his big brother.

"Seat taken?" Lisa smiled down at Dean who sat on the front steps of the house he shared with Lisa. Dean looked up at her and offered a tentative smile. She sat down next to him and looked out over the neighborhood with him. "You've been back a week Dean," she offered lightly. "I've been thinking," she began and Dean looked at her. "You call Sam every night and you're texting or emailing. I know you're worried about him and I think," she took a breath. "I think you should go back to Kansas. To be honest you've still been there in here," she placed her hand over his heart. "This past week has felt like a long good-bye, Dean," her voice was soft and a little sad, yet accepting.

"Lisa, I don't want you to think that I don't care for you and Ben, I do …"

"I know, we both do. We're here alright, maybe you'll convince Sam to try Cicero when he's ready. But, he's you're little brother and I know how you were when he was gone," she said the last word _gone _quietly as if she feared it would hurt him to hear it louder and be reminded of those long months without his brother thinking him dead. She leaned in and kissed him.

The sun dropped behind the neighborhood trees and Dean knew where he needed to be.

"Sam?" Josh, a co-worker at the bar called out from the other end of the bar.

"Yeah?" Sam said over his shoulder as he slid a beer across the wood bar toward a waiting customer. The music was load and Sam shouted over the din of voices and music.

"We're runnin' low on ice dude, can you grab a couple bags from the kitchen?"

"Sure," Sam replied easily. It was a busy night and it kept his mind from getting too bogged down. He looked forward to getting home and reading his email. He'd never admit it to Dean but his emails had felt like a lifeline and kept him centered. It felt like Dean was still around for him and not a couple states away.

He wanted Dean to have that apple pie life but part of him wanted his big brother here with him. He grabbed the two bags of ice and hoisted one over his shoulder and held another in a strong grip. He pushed against the swinging door from the kitchen and shut off his mind as he went back to work.

**To Be Continued**__


	11. Ties that Bind, Part 1

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers:** Busy weekend and I have to say this chapter was almost not getting posted and it's shorter than what I wanted but if I didn't post today, it was likely you'd be waiting until next weekend. This chapter is part 1 and part 2 will be posted next weekend sometime. I wanted to thank everyone for their reviews and PM's there are some of you that do not sign your reviews, so I'm not able to reply back with a link, but thank you for your wonderful comments/reviews! Hey, heard some scoops for S6 and it really does sound great. I'm so looking forward to September 24 and the season premiere.

Happy Reading, I hope.

**Side Note: **The chapter title is named after an Alter Bridge song by the same name.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 11: Ties that Bind, Part 1**

"_Who can say where the road goes, where the day flows?_ _Only time..._" lyrics excerpt by Enya. _Only Time_

"Helen's," Josh answered the phone that rang behind the bar. "Huh? Yeah, sure Jack, he's right here." Josh motioned to Sam. "It's Jack dude, he wants to talk to you."

Sam took the phone and covered the ear facing the loud room and music, "Jack? What's up?" he asked easily. The conversation wasn't long, "Yeah, I can do that job sounds easy enough … swing by tonight and give me the details. I might have a question or two; ya know that I can't exactly ask in mixed company. Yeah, catch you later."

Sam wiped down the bar and looked up as Jack walked in, "Busy night?" the older man and former hunter asked.

"Aren't they all, it's a Friday," Sam smiled. "So, this job …"

"Yeah, got a couple in need of a house cleansing of sorts … they moved in and were at a hotel the next day."

"Poltergeist?"

"That's what I'm not sure about kid, you know how civilians can over react about this stuff. We might have an irritated Casper on our hands or something grumpier," Jack replied easily. "I don't like askin' but you're the closest and if I go I think my Becca will have my hide."

"It's okay Jack. I've handled my share of ghosts and poltergeists over the years with my family when I was younger. I'll get it done for them and you can keep your pound of flesh from Becca's clutches," Sam grinned. Jack barked a laugh.

"You sure you ain't been married kiddo," Jack mused. Sam offered a light laugh but Jack caught something in his eyes. "It's been good havin' you here Sam," Jack added gently. "So, I haven't spoken to you since your trip with your brother, "How was the cabin?"

"You have a nice place Jack. It was good." Sam didn't offer any more and Jack didn't push. He just nodded and smiled.

"Good," was his only response. "So, any chance you could head there tomorrow? It's about a forty-five minute drive. I think they're biting at the bit to get back into their place. It's their first house ya know. They've been held up at the Red Roof living out of suitcases."

"First house, huh?" Sam smirked. "Yeah, so did they say of the activity started at night?"

"Yeah, looks like our friendly isn't raising much of a ruckus during the day but at night around 3ish range it pitches a fit." Sam nodded.

"Fine, I got the directions and address. I'll leave in the morning."

"I'll let them know. They'll meet you in town to give you the keys to get into the place. It's off the road a bit and sits on a good four acres of land. I told them I wasn't sure how quick the job was going to be once you got there, so they'll stay put at the hotel until you call them."

"Yeah, okay. Not a problem," Sam assured. "You run a history on the land by any chance?"

"Yeah, nothing out of the ordinary tied to it."

"Okay."

Sam woke to his alarm and rubbed his face. It was a dream-free night thankfully. He was so tired he had crashed when he got home and didn't check his email, so he slid out of bed and went down the hall to the room that held a desk and his laptop. He opened his email:

Sammy,

Just touching base. Working something out on my end, I'll fill you in later. How's work? Staying out of trouble, I hope. Talk to you soon.

Dean

Sam quirked an eyebrow up at the 'working something out' line but his brother did say he'd fill him in later, so he'd wait but right now he had a job to do for Jack.

"Do you have to go," Ben stood by the front door and looked up at Dean. The kid had grown a lot but still had a way to go. Dean hooked an arm around Ben and pulled him in.

"We'll still see each other kiddo, it's just my little brother needs me ya know," his voice was gentle.

"We need you to," he lamented. "You'll miss the championship game."

"The soccer championship is a good month away and I wouldn't miss it."

"You'll be there?" Ben's eyes looked hopeful.

"Told ya kiddo, we'll still see each other and you can call and email when ever you want, okay?"

Lisa stood by the Impala as Dean walked up to her. "Take care of yourself, okay?" she said without meeting his eyes. Dean cupped her chin and lifted her face, so that their eyes met and he smiled.

"If you and Ben need anything Lisa I'm just a call away, okay? You have the number of Sam's place and the bar, so if you can't get me on my cell you can track me down okay."

"I know you have to do this, I do, but it doesn't make it any easier."

"I know."

"Are you really going to make it back for Ben's big game?"

"Wouldn't miss it."

Lisa leaned in quickly and pulled Dean into a hug, She held tightly and then let go. He kissed her and waved at Ben who stood on the porch and waved. He knew the kid was unhappy but he had meant it when he told Ben to keep in touch. He'd try to email Ben nightly, if for anything to just say Hi and make sure he knew he wasn't forgotten.

He climbed in the Impala and waved as he drove away toward the highway and his little brother. He had purposefully not told Sam he was coming but had instead been a little cryptic in his last email. He thought it best that his arrival be a surprise, other wise Sam would just try and talk him out of leaving Cicero. Hell, he'd probably still pitch a fit but once he was there he hoped Sam would give in and decide that the two of them back together as a family was he right move for now, for both of them.

Sam slammed into the basement wall and scanned the darkness of the basement. The presence in the house was no poltergeist or simple ghost, it was an entity, a very powerful and angry one that had attached itself to this old house. Sam could sense its malevolence.

There was a growl and a rush of wind and he felt himself lifted and slammed into the wall and then he was thrown across the room slamming into the concrete block wall, light flashed behind his eyes and he knew no more.

**To Be Continued**


	12. Ties that Bind, Part 2

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Well, as always shorter than I wanted but today has been hectic and I wanted to get something to you while it was still the weekend. It's about 4 pages long and I will try to get it longer for next weekend. Thanks to everyone that reviews and sends PM's. There are a few of you that never sign-in to leave your reviews/comments, so I'm not able to reply back to you directly but, please know I thank you for your reviews and comments. Happy Reading, I hope.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 12: Ties that Bind, Part 2**

"… _Please save me I've fallen here. I am lost and alone…" _lyrics excerpt by Sinead O' Connor, _One More Day_

Dean knocked on his brother's door although he sort of figured it was useless since his jeep wasn't out front. He'd call him but sort of felt like surprising him as he was pretty sure Sam was going to pissed that he'd left Lisa in Cicero. He glanced at his watch, it was only 5:00 but figured that his brother had gone into work early to prepare for a busy weekend night. It had taken him a day and a half to get to Tonganoxie because he had promised Lisa he wouldn't drive straight through and would stop to get some rest.

He walked into the bar and saw Missie, "Hey Missie," he smiled.

"Dean? Wow, you're the last person I expected to see walk through that door today."

"Yeah, I bet," he chuckled. "I'm lookin' for Sam. He wasn't home, so figured he was here a little early."

"Nah, he's not here. Um," she looked around to see what other employees were around and lowered her voice. "My dad asked if he could do a job for him." Dean frowned as the words sunk in.

"Job? You mean a hunt?"

She nodded.

"Has he called and checked in with Jack?"

"I doubt it. My dad said it sounded like an easy ghost or poltergeist job."

Dean was taking out his cell phone and hitting send and frowned when he got his little brother's voice mail. "No hunt is ever simple. Where the hell was it?"

"I could call my dad. He's been in Lawrence for a couple of days with my mom visiting my new nephew my older brother and sister-in-law just had."

The conversation was quick with Jack and he offered to come back to go with Dean to find Sam. Dean had denied him and said he could take care of it. Jack had called back saying he spoke to the couple pf the house and they hadn't heard from Sam or seen him and had simply figured he was still dealing with their household problem.

The EMF meter was off the charts when he walked into the house he pocketed it. He thought he'd be a little rusty and yeah maybe he was but it was also like riding a bike and he held the salt loaded sawed off shotgun up as he searched. "Sam!" he barked, his tone commanding a response … he didn't get one. "Dammit Sammy, come on man, you here?"

There was a rush of wind and a growl and the shotgun launched across the front parlor and hit the far wall. He was grabbed by the throat and held against the wall. "Mine," a dark mass hissed in his ear. Dean struggled.

"Screw you," Dean forced out against the pressure on his throat. He fumbled in a pocket for his holy water flask as fingers working at the lid.

"Mine," it hissed again.

"Where's my brother?" Dean demanded as his fingers continued to work on the lid. The mass solidified just enough that he could see a form. It reminded him of a Deava but knew it wasn't.

"Toy broken," its voice sounded disappointed and Dean felt his gut clench.

"I'll kill you, you evil bastard. Send you back to hell." He threw a spray of holy water at the dark form and it withdrew with a wail. Dean did the only thing he could think of, he recited an exorcism. It raged and wailed but in the end with a burst of wind and a deafening scream the entity was gone and he felt the difference the heaviness inside the house was gone, it was clean. Dean wasn't sure where the verbatim recitation came from since that was always Sam's thing … _Sammy_. He launched into a search and with each empty room his search became more frantic.

Dean ran into the kitchen and noticed a door ajar and realized it led to the basement. He clicked on the light and its pale illumination provided just enough light to see the dark wood steps that led into the dark. The room was dark and smelled musty but he caught the sent of something else, like copper and his heart began to pound against his sternum. He knew the smell … it was blood. He grabbed for a small mag light he had in his pocket and started sweeping the room. "Sammy?" his voice loud yet gentle. "Sammy answer me." His only response was silence. His flashlight beam reached the end of the room and landed on a red smear that fanned downward toward the floor, as if something slid down the wall. The beam of light fell on a crumpled form and Dean's world stopped. Even from across the room he could see how deathly pale Sam was, "Sammy!" he yelled and ran for his brother.

The ambulance ride had been a nightmare of fast images and words conveyed over a radio to an awaiting ER doc … _low blood pressure, possible C-spine injury or spinal injury, sluggish pupil response, closed head injury, poor breath sounds on right, unresponsive, had to intubate for low O2 Sats … _Dean listened to the words, didn't know what a lot of the medical jargon meant but he latched onto the ones he did and it made him sick. He blocked out the mental images of Sam in the basement and the long wait for help to arrive. He sat staring at Sam, willing him to twitch, to show any sign of life.

"You can hold his hand if you want," the female paramedic encouraged as she leaned back while continue to squeeze a bluish-clear bag attached to the breathing tube snaking down his little brother's throat to help him breath a little better. She didn't have to say it twice. Dean leaned forward and latched onto Sam's cool, slack hand and squeezed gently. He didn't care about pretenses or chick-flick moments this was his little brother and he was fighting for his life. It wasn't a battle Dean was going to let him lose.

"I'm here Sammy," Dean's voice strong and gentle. "I'm not going anywhere, I'm not gonna leave you," and suddenly Dean's mind was taken back to Stull and that fateful day he'd said those words trying to reach his brother when Lucifer was in control. "You can beat this Sammy, you hear me … just keep fighting," he squeezed gently. "I'm right here."

"We're just eight minutes out from the ER now; he'll be in good hands." Dean looked at her and she must have picked up on what he wanted to ask and could see the fear in his eyes. "He's fighting," she encouraged. Dean offered a tight nod and went back to watching Sam and holding his brother's hand.

The ambulance pulled into the bay and Dena had to let go of his brother. He watched Sam whisked away and through doors labeled: Trauma: Authorized Personnel Only.

He was given a clipboard and forms to fill out. The paramedics had asked him about medical history and allergies but the forms were the usual insurance, health history and next of kin information. He scribbled and checked through Sam's wallet for an insurance card, the name never clicking that he was reading.

Dean sat in a hard plastic bank of chairs leaned forward with his hands in his lap … his eyes going from the clock to the trauma doors every time someone came out or equipment was rolled in. Sam had been taken in there over 45 minutes ago and Dean was aching for some word on his brother.

Another twenty minutes later, the door swung open and Dean looked up and met eyes with an older doctor that had salt and pepper hair, he looked tired and there were blood speckles on his scrub shirt. "Family for Sam Campbell," Dean's stomach clenched for news about his brother and the fact his sibling had taken their mother's maiden name.

"I'm Dean, Sam's big brother," he stood and met the doctor half way. "How is he? How's my brother?" Dean's heart raced. "Please …" it was a quiet plea and the doctor's eyes softened.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Gallo. I'd like to speak to you about Sam, please," he motioned for a side room labeled 'family conference' … Dean followed but with each step he felt hollow and alone, certain he'd lost his brother but unable to demand an answer. He followed the doctor suddenly feeling as though he were a lemming following the man off a cliff. He needed to know and struggled to keep the stinging tears at bay, he couldn't lose Sam now, not after all of this, not after just getting him back, he couldn't handle that …

"What about my brother?" Dean's voice was strong, a stark contrast to how he felt. "I need to know."

**To Be Continued**


	13. Altar of Words, Part 1

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Thanks again to all reviews and PM's. They are appreciated. Also, thanks again to those readers that review but don't sign in, so I can't personally reply back to you. My schedule is something to be desired, but I am trying to get a chapter to you every weekend at some point. Happy Reading, I hope.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 13: Altar of Words, Part One**

"_Oh we never know where life will take us. I know it's just a ride on the wheel_ _…_" lyrics excerpt by Linda Ronstadt, _Goodbye my Friend_

Dean rubbed a hand across tired eyes and absently scratched the three day stubble on his chin. He sat next to Sam watching as he had been since his brother had been put in the ICU. His brain still processed the end results of that hunt and Sam's injuries. He was thankful that that the CT scans showed no spinal injury just deep bruising and his neck was okay. Two broken ribs had thankfully not punctured his brother's right lung when they broke. However, tests did show the reason for the reduced function of his brother's right lung, a severe contusion. The injuries would heal but it was the closed head injury and the edema the doctor had mentioned that had Dean pacing most days. He'd called for Castiel but the angel hadn't made any appearances and Dean figured he blew the pooch with having him heal Sam in the woods. He figured they were on their own for this.

Sam was on various IV pumps and monitors and due to the lung contusion and unresponsiveness he was still on a ventilator to ensure his oxygenation and to protect his airway. The doctors had also said that Sam was in a coma and the longer it took him to wake up and get off the vent the more chance he wouldn't or that there would be some type of possible brain damage.

"Come on Sammy," Dean reached over and took his brother's slack hand. "You ain't going out like this … you survived hell man, the cage, this is a cake walk. Open your eyes, squeeze me hand, anything … I'm not gonna be picky man."

"No change?" Bobby's voice was soft from the doorway. Dean cast a look at him and held is gaze for a moment, offered a brief shake of the head and went back to watching his little brother. "Dean, you need to get out of here for a few. Take a shower, shave, I got a room at the hotel across the street."

"No," Dean's voice was strong. He was inwardly grateful that Bobby had arrived earlier yesterday after he had called him to tell him about Sam.

"I'm sorry," Bobby started. "I guess I gave you the impression that was a suggestion, it wasn't. Go," his voice firm.

Dean turned and looked at Bobby, his eyes hard, "I'm not leavin' him."

"Kid, I ain't askin' you to up and abandon your brother," Bobby spoke evenly. "I'm just sayin' that kid wakes up and sees you lookin' like you've been rode hard and put up wet he'll blame himself." Bobby knew it was playing dirty but if it got the kid out of the ICU room for a couple of hours then that was what mattered.

Dean shifted his eyes back to his brother and watched him for a long moment, "You'll call me if he even so much as twitches," Dean hedged, his eyes never leaving Sam.

"Of course," Bobby affirmed. "Just get yourself a shower, clean-up, maybe get some rest."

"You're pushin' it Bobby. I won't be gone long."

"Dean, two or three hours, I can hold down the fort, if there is any news you're right across the street."

"Fine," Deam stood up and walked up to his brother's side. "I'll be back soon Sammy. Bobby's gonna stay with you while I'm gone." He gently ran a hand through his brother's thick, long bangs and walked out.

Dean walked into the hotel room. The place was nice compared to what he and Sam would usually stay in, he tossed the plastic key card with the _Drury Inn and Suites_ wording going across the front. The room had two queen size beds and Dean tossed a gym bag on the nearest bed. He pulled out what he'd need in the bathroom and hurried inside.

Twenty minutes later he emerged, clean and shaven. He had put on some fresh cloths and was ready to return to his brother's bedside. He looked at the bed for a long moment and decided to stretch out for just a couple minutes to let his spine relax after being cooped up in an unforgiving ICU chair for three days. Fatigue washed over him so quickly he was pulled into a dreamless oblivion before he could think another thought.

The chirping of his phone made Dean grunt as he rolled over, "Sammy, get the damn phone," he grumbled as he buried his head in the pillow. He was too tired and his head felt foggy. "Sammy…" his mind caught up with reality and he sat up quickly and grabbed his phone as it beeped indicating a voice mail. The room was dark and only pale moonlight broke through the slightly open curtains of the third floor room. "Shit," he barked as he groped for the lamp. "Dammit," he hissed when he saw the bedside clock read 7:45 PM, he'd been asleep for a little over four hours. The lamp came on and he blinked from the brightness as his eyes adjusted to the light. He accessed his voice mail quickly and Bobby's voice came on: _Dean, it's me … you need to come back, okay. Watch the traffic walking across the road, ya hear." _Dean felt sick, he tried to call Bobby back but he didn't pick up. Cell phones weren't allowed to be on or used in the ICU, so he knew Bobby had to have walked outside the unit to call and now was probably back inside. His heart hammered as he dashed out of the lobby and did stop quick enough to watch traffic, all they needed as a family was for him to get tagged in the intersection and end up in the hospital.

Dean entered the ICU and quickly spotted Bobby outside Sam's room and the curtain was closed, "Bobby," Dean's voice unsure, afraid. When Bobby turned and looked at Dean, his world fell apart, Bobby had been crying. The older hunter wiped away an errant tear. "No," Dean choked out. Bobby reached for him but Dean dodged the touch.

"Dean, son wait," he spoke evenly. "It's not what you …" it was too late Dean was already pushing past Bobby. The man had convinced him to leave his little brother, to leave Sammy alone and now he was gone … he died alone was all Dean could think, and as he stepped around the curtain, his mind took a moment to process what he was seeing, "Sammy," his voice quiet, tentative. He reached down and touched his brother's forehead and ran a hand through his hair gently. Sam was not only alive but he'd been extubated and was on a simple nasal cannula providing some supplemental oxygen to his brother. He noticed that some of the more critical equipment had been removed or pushed against the wall. There were still plenty of wires and monitors but Sam wasn't on the ventilator anymore and when he took his brother's hand, cool fingers gripped his ever so slightly for a moment.

"He came out of the coma," Bobby said quietly. Dean turned to the older hunter and surrogate father for him and Sam.

"When? Was he awake? Is he okay? What did the doctor say? Why the hell didn't you call me the second he woke up?" Dean's rapid fire questions didn't surprise Bobby.

"I was a little busy making sure he didn't rip the tube out himself. He started moving a little but before I could call for help or leave to call you his eyes opened and he was fighting the tube. The kid's a hell of fighter but when he saw me he calmed down and let the doctors do there thing."

"Is he gonna be okay? What did the doc say?"

"He's going to sleep a lot but the will be waking him up for neurological checks. They said the edema appears to be going down. The doctor said he's turned a corner. He's gonna be okay Dean … just needs to rest and heal," Bobby affirmed.

"Really? What about his brain … they said maybe …" Bobby shook his head.

"Looks like he's in the clear Dean … he might have been half out of it but he was with it enough to know if I was here you weren't far … he asked for you and that's when I took the chance to call you. The doc's did a couple more tests but left a little before you got here."

"When I saw the curtain pulled and you were upset, I thought…" Dean broke off and looked back at his brother and he drank in the sight of Sam breathing without that damn tube.

"Sorry, they were just tears of relief Dean," Bobby offered easily. Dean was thankful that Bobby had taken the news of Sam back from the cage and the living for months in Tonganoxie … nothing seemed to shake the man. "You look better, got some sleep, huh?"

"Shouldn't have slept, I just …"

"You needed it kid, so stop bein' an idjit … you're not superman. Now, you're ready to be hear fro Sam and when he opens his eyes next he's not going to see you lookin' like three day old road kill." Dean offered a small smile. "Look, I'll leave you two for a bit. I'm gonna take a breather back at the hotel, you need me call, okay?" Dean nodded. "Sam's ICU doc may stop by and fill you in on things."

"Thanks Bobby … for everything," Dean looked at the man and then back at his brother.

"Yeah, yeah," his voice was gruff but there was a smile on his face. "I'll see you two later, remember call if you need me sooner, okay."

"Yeah, okay. Get some sleep."

Dean sat out in the ICU waiting room while Sam got a sponge bath and some blood taken. He stared at his cell phone and opened the contact list and after a long moment selected a name and hit send. "Hello?" He knew it was late but he couldn't help the hour.

"Lisa?"

"Dean? It's late are you okay?" She sat up in bed. She had worried about him because she hadn't hard from him.

"I'm good," he answered but his voice betrayed him.

"What is it?" her voice was worried. "Dean, talk to me."

**To Be Continued**


	14. Altar of Words, Part 2

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Thanks again to all reviews and PM's. They are appreciated. Also, thanks again to those readers that review but don't sign in, so I can't personally reply back to you. I spared you a cliffhanger for this chapter but had to hurry and get it posted otherwise it wasn't happening today. Happy Reading, I hope.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 14: Altar of Words, Part 2**

"… _I do not want to be afraid, I do not want to die inside … I'm tired of feeling so numb …"_ lyrics excerpt by Plumb, _Cut_

"Sam's in the hospital," Dean paused a moment. "They say he just turned a corner…"

"Hospital? What happened?"

"Hunt went bad," Dean answered matter of fact.

"Hunt? Were you hurt?" Lisa's voice held a hint of fear.

"I wasn't with Sammy when it happened. I got to his place and he wasn't there … it's a long story Lisa."

"I've got the time," her voice soft and Dean closed his eyes against the sting in them.

The conversation lasted a little over a half hour and Dean told her about what had happened and that Sam was on the mend and out of the coma. He looked at his watch and it was time to go be with his brother.

"Ben will be sorry he didn't get to talk to you," Lisa replied. "I can tell him you won't be at the soccer championship," she offered.

"What? No, I promised him I'd be there and it's still a month away. I'll be there."

"It sounds like Sam will need some help for a while."

"Lisa, I promised the kid I'd be there and I'm not breaking that promise. I'll figure it out, okay? It's a month away."

Dean walked into the ICU and to his brother's room. Sam's head was turned toward the door in the dim lighting. The room was quiet except for the occasional beep of IV pumps and the heart monitor, although its volume was low. He sat down in the chair and leaned back getting comfortable for the long night ahead.

"Dean?" Sam's voice was barely a whisper and Dean was on his feet in a second.

"Sammy? Hey, kiddo, I'm here," he comforted. He dropped a hand gently on the top of his little brother's head.

"What're you doin' here man? I saw Bobby knew you had to be around," Sam's voice was weak but he was coherent.

"We can talk later Sam, I'm here now and that's all that matters. Well … that and you getting better. You scared the crap out of me Sammy."

"Sorry," his strength was wilting and Dean could see his eyes blinking slower.

"Just rest Sammy," he assured. "I'm here." A small smile crept up at the corners of Sam's mouth and his eyes slid closed. He was too tired and weak to resist and he was soon fast asleep under his big brother's watchful and protective eyes.

**ooooooo**

Sam had spent an additional two days in the ICU before being moved to a new unit. "Dean?"

"Yeah?" Dean turned from the window overlooking an employee parking lot three stories down.

"You've been stuck here with me almost a week man … Lisa and Ben are gonna be worried." Dean had been evasive on the whys and how's of his appearance on Sam's hunt gone wrong. He wanted to make sure Sam wouldn't have a setback if he were to get pissed and Dean was pretty sure his little brother was going to spin off into new realms of pissed off when he tells him that he has left Lisa and intends to stay in Tonganoxie. He took a breath and sat down.

"Yeah, here's the thing," he started.

"I'm not gonna like this am I?" Sam's face was serious.

"Doubt it," Dean offered a rueful look and ran a hand back through his hair.

Dean explained to Sam that he was here because he had left Lisa with the intent to stay in Tonganoxie with him.

"Dean, it's stupid, okay? Look I didn't come to you in that damn cemetery for you to throw it all away, you're life …" he grunted in pain as he tried to sit up in the slightly elevated bad. Dean was at his side instantly.

"Easy, easy," he stood over Sam with gentle restraining hands. "Watch your broken ribs Sammy, just quit moving."

"Look Dean," Sam relaxed under his brother's hands. "Call Lisa, she'll take you back man, she will," he encouraged.

"Sammy, do you even get that if I hadn't come when I did and called Jack that you would have died in that house? You're going to take a while to heal completely Sam, you can't manage alone and you shouldn't have to. I'm here and I'm staying." Dean looked angry and stricken all at once and Sam bit the inside of cheek at the sight. "What? No, opinion from the peanut gallery?" Sam's mouth thinned out at his big brother's gentle verbal prodding.

"Did I miss something?" Bobby asked from the doorway. He was staying until Sam was released from the hospital but he was trying to give Sam and Dean some time alone.

"No, just Sam being a stubborn hard-headed dumb ass," Dean stepped back and paced toward the window and turned to look at his little brother and then Bobby. The older hunter chuckled.

"Uh, I think both you boys have that market cornered and it ain't all Sam. After all he's Sundance to your Butch."

Both brothers looked at each other and couldn't help but let a small smile creep up at the corner of their mouths. Sam eyed the plastic glass of water on the rolling table nearby just an arm stretch away. He had barely moved when Dean stepped forward as if knowing what his sibling wanted. "I got it Sammy, don't strain those ribs." Dean rolled the table near his brother and passed him the glass with a straw in it.

**ooooooo**

Sam was still moving like an old arthritic man around the house but he was able to get up and down the stairs now after sleeping in the downstairs bedroom on the pull-out that Dean had been using for a week and a half. They had fought about Dean leaving Lisa and Ben but Dean had won and Sam wished that privately he hadn't been a little happy when Dean said he was where he needed to be and wanted to be. Sam was stupid he knew his big brother ached for the family he'd come to know for all those months but he could feel that Dean was really present in this life, too and fighting for it. Sam looked on the calendar in the kitchen and saw that Dean had made some chicken scratch mark on a Friday at the end of the month, a couple weeks away.

"What's so interesting about the calendar, Sammy," Dean asked casually as he came in through the backdoor. He wiped his greasy hands on a paper towel. He had been changing the oil on the Impala and stopped to eye his brother.

"You scrawled something on here … can't make it out."

"It's a reminder for Ben's soccer championship, I promised him I'd be there."

"Oh," Sam replied quietly. "I mean sure man, when you leavin' to go back," Sam shifted his tone to sound light and he forced a smile.

"On the Thursday before but it's just for a couple of days Sam and I'll be back on that Sunday. Anyway, since you're still creeping around this place like an old man and the doc hasn't cleared you to go back to work … look I got Bobby coming to hang with you for a couple of days or so … until I get back on that Sunday. I'd take ya but I'm thinkin' those ribs aren't gonna make the trip."

Sam stared at his brother a long moment and fought the creeping hot sting in his eyes. Dean was leaving but coming back, too. "You okay Sammy?" Dean edged forward; he didn't like that Sam was still pale and the bruises although fading still stood out on his face. "You need me to get your pain meds?"

"Nah," he cleared his throat. "I'm okay." Dean gave his kid brother an incredulous look. "Well, okay in the loose sense," Sam smiled. Dean returned the smile. "You know I can handle myself here Dean, we don't have to trouble Bobby."

"Yeah, no," Dean was blunt. "He's coming, end of conversation kiddo." Sam recognized the tone, the big brother one that frequently rubbed his feathers the wrong way but right now, he just felt cared for, loved.

**To Be Continued **


	15. The Unsaid Things, Part 1

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Thanks again to all reviews and PM's. They are appreciated. Also, thanks again to those readers that review but don't sign in, so I can't personally reply back to you. I'll try to post next weekend but I may be too buried. At any rate, I will post as quickly as possible. Happy Reading, I hope.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 15: The Unsaid Things, Part 1**

"… _well there was a time when you let me know what's really going on below, but now you never show that to me do you … it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_." Lyrics excerpt ... version sung by Rufus Wainwright, _Hallelujah_

Bobby walked into the kitchen and found Sam reaching for a can in the pantry. "I can get that Sam, you're not supposed to be reaching and grabbing stuff."

"It's a can of soup Bobby, I think I'll live. It doesn't even hurt."

"Well, that's great to hear about the not hurting but let's shoot for no set backs, huh? Your brother would have my hide." Sam rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smile. "Here, give it … you hungry?"

"I can make my dinner Bobby."

"I know you can, but let me okay? How does soup and a famous Bobby Singer triple grilled cheese sound?" Sam did smile then; all dimples and Bobby felt a warm spot in his chest. Bobby looked in the freezer. "How about some frozen vegetable medley, too?"

"Bobby you don't have to put yourself out…"

"I'm not, well?"

"It all sounds good."

OOOOOOOOOOOO

Dean watched Ben run the field and when he countered a block and overtake from a boy on the opposite team as he feinted left and quickly changed course to the right kicking the ball and making a goal. Dena stood up and cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled something supportive and encouraging. He smiled when his voice obviously carried to the young boy on the field because Ben gave him a thumb up and smiled as he ran back into play. Dean sat back down and looked over at Lisa.

"You okay?" he asked.

"You leave tomorrow," she started. "I thought it wouldn't bother me, you know? It's just Ben's happy when you're here … he loves you Dean, we both do. Look, I know you have to go back to your brother, I do … I remember how long it took you to," she hesitated a moment, "to accept he was gone and now he's back and needs you … I get it, I do but part of me wants to be selfish and ask you to stay."

Dean reached over and covered her left hand with his, there may have been a bleacher full of parents and soccer fans but it all zeroed in to Lisa for that moment. "I know this isn't easy Lisa … I think about the two of you all the time but you're right about when I thought Sammy was gone forever, I was never okay with it, never. That's why the Impala spent time under a tarp in the garage and I bought that pick-up truck. The Impala has been the closest thing to a home that Sam and I had, that's why I drove it to Stull … but you and Ben gave me a new home and a family. But, Sammy needs me; we're a team Lisa I can't walk out on him when he needs me. Look, I pulled him back into hunting when he was in school and I can't leave him hanging not after everything he's done, after everything he gave up for so many people including me."

"I know …" she paused as the crowd around them cheered for another goal Ben's team, _The Cicero Thunderbolts_. Dean and Lisa both clapped and Dean pumped a fist in the air. "We can finish this conversation at the house tonight when we're alone." Ben and the team were going out for pizza.

"Yeah, okay, this isn't the place anyway," Dean agreed easily.

Dean looked at the clock and figured Ben would still be out with his teammates and coaches for another couple hours. Lisa handed Dean a beer and sat down next to him on the couch with her own brew. "Lisa," he started. "I want you to know that I've been happy here with you and Ben, I have. This is the first time in my life I ever knew normal or what Sammy calls the 'apple pie life'. I have no regrets," he paused. "Well, except for one, hurting the two of you. I never wanted that, it's the last thing I'd want to do."

"I know," she looked at him, her eyes were moist but no tears were falling. "You slept with a salt loaded shotgun under the bed for a year Dean, I get that you can get a hunter out of hunting but you can't get hunting out of the hunter."

"I never missed it," Dean was quick to assure. "I mean, sure sometimes I wondered if there was someone that I could have helped but I never regretted being here, retiring from hunting."

"Would you have come here to Cicero if it wasn't for what Sam made you promise?" Lisa looked at him earnestly and Dean knew that the truth was the only way to go.

"Honestly, probably not, I would have tried to get him back, save him. I might have left the game for a while but I'd be hunting."

"With a death wish," she replied bluntly and Dean acquiesced.

"Yeah, probably," he agreed honestly. "Look, I want you to keep me up on what's happening here and with Ben. He's got the whole stiff upper lip thing going on but he's got my numbers and address in Kansas. I know it's asking a lot Lisa but I can't just walk away and not look back, I can't."

"Ben loves you Dean and I won't keep him from contacting you if he wants but I have to think about my child's well-being and I can't have your work following you back to us."

"It wouldn't. I'd never put you and Ben in that danger."

"Not intentionally," she commented. "But, if I've learned anything from you about the things that go bump in the night is that they have a conscience and can be so subtle in their arrival that it could be too late before you know something is happening. I still think about the changelings and the fact I didn't know Ben wasn't Ben right away. Evil doesn't give you a head's up Dean."

Dean huffed out a small laugh, "You sure you haven't taken up hunting? You sound like you've been around the block a time or two."

"Knowing you taught me all of that Dean," Lisa answered. Dean felt a pang of guilt in being the one to pull the curtain back for Lisa and to take away the innocence of not knowing what was really out there in the dark. His train of thought reminded him briefly of Missouri Mosley and her words to him so long ago about how she enlightened their father to the truth, as well.

"I'm sorry, if I could have kept it from you I would have," he assured. "But, when Ben was taken I couldn't exactly keep from telling you."

"No, I know, I'm glad you did. I'm still thankful for you saving Ben's life."

"Don't thank me, I love the kid, I'd do whatever I had to in order to keep him safe."

"I know you would."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Bobby walked into the family room and sat down in a chair and looked at Sam, "Anything good on the tube tonight?"

"Just watching the news," Sam replied casually.

"So, Dean will be headed back tomorrow, huh?"

"Yeah."

"I can't quite decipher that tone kid … you happy or could you care less?"

"Bobby," Sam's jaw tightened slightly.

"Well?"

"I'm glad he's coming back, okay?"

"I hear a 'but' in there somewhere," Bobby poked and Sam sighed.

"It's just I wish he didn't have to give up his life ya know, not for me. I wanted him to have that life, be happy …"

"Sam your brother was just half a person after you went in that hole. He was broken and that promise you made him make did give him a life but it was always a pale substitute. Your brother might do a lot out of a sense of obligation but you need to know that he's coming back here because he wants to, because he needs to. Look, I ain't got no false notions in my head that it's gonna be easy for you two … you got your demons boy, I know you do, but you're working on it and Dean wants to help, let him and maybe you can help him with his … a little quid pro quo, maybe?"

Sam offered a soft smile as the older man's words sunk in and he looked Bobby in the eyes and nodded silently. Bobby smiled in return. "Now, get the damn news off, no more reality for today and let's watch some ESPN or somethin', you got cable. Sam laughed.

**To Be Continued**


	16. The Unsaid Things, Part 2

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Thanks again to all reviews and PM's. They are appreciated. Also, thanks again to those readers that review but don't sign in, so I can't personally reply back to you. Not sure how much longer this story may be. My free time is going to go up in smoke in another couple weeks. So, this story may only have another 1 or 2 chapters in it. I admit, I'd like to make it longer but time isn't on my side lately. Plus, I'd like to have it wrapped before the new season starts on the CW. I'll try to post next weekend but I may be too buried. At any rate, I will post as quickly as possible. Happy Reading, I hope.

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 16: The Unsaid Things, Part 2**

"… _people cry and people moan, and they look for a dry place to call their home, and try to find some place to rest their bones while the angels and the devils try to make them their own_ …" Lyrics excerpt … version by Nirvana, _Lake of Fire_

Sam was pulled partially from his sleep by the familiar rumble he had known most of his life … the Impala. He smiled to himself into his pillow. He wanted to get up he really did but the bed felt so damn good and it was a nightmare free night, so he just nestled into the pillow and inched the blanket a little more. He listened to the noises downstairs and heard Bobby open the front door and push the screen door open. There was soft sunlight coming through his thin curtains that he could see through his closed eyelids. He sighed.

"Welcome home," Bobby replied easily as he looked at Dean a long moment. Dean offered a small smile. "How you doing?" Bobby asked.

"I'm good," Dean answered. He saw Bobby study him trying to root out the compete truth. He acquiesced, "it wasn't easy walking away from them but this is where I'm needed … where I belong," Dean answered honestly. He looked beyond Bobby into the house and saw no sign of his Sequoia of a little brother, "where's Sammy?"

"Asleep." Dean raised an eyebrow in concern.

"He okay?" he looked at his watch it was 7:30 AM.

"Yeah, we stayed up late watching a game and I didn't hear a peep last night," Bobby winked. Dean smiled.

"You mean no nightmares?" Bobby nodded.

"You must have almost driven straight through, huh? We didn't expect you until tomorrow sometime."

"I stopped once and grabbed a five hour nap at a motel and cleaned up … hit the road again."

"Hungry? I'm makin' some omelets." Dean's stomach growled in answer. Bobby chuckled. "I'll take that as a 'yes'." Dean looked chagrined and then smiled.

"Yeah, sounds good."

Dean sat in the kitchen and glanced at the clock and debated checking on his brother. But, there was something that had been nibbling away at his mind for a while now and he decided to ask Bobby. "Hey, Bobby," he started in a casual tone.

"Yeah," Bobby answered over his should as he cut up some onions and peppers to throw into his Texas omelet.

"Uh, I've been meanin' to ask you somethin'."

"Uh-huh," Bobby looked over his shoulder and briefly made eye contact with Dean. "What's on your mind?"

"It's .. well…" Bobby put the knife down and turned leaning against the counter.

"Cat got your tongue boy, spit it out." Dean took a breath and pushed forward.

"Back when I called you to tell you that Sam was in the hospital … I was also telling you for the first time that he was out of the cage and back from Hell … you never really acted surprised. I was too worried about Sammy at the time to really think about that, plus I was just glad you were coming to Kansas, but …"

Bobby rubbed his beard and leveled a look on Dean, "one thing you've never been Dean is non-observant, I'll give you that," he conceded.

"What are you saying?" Dean's brow quirked into a mild scowl.

"I think you know." The realization hit Dean hard and he sat there dumbfounded into a moment of silence as his brain processed the truth … Bobby knew Sam was alive already.

"How long did you know?" Dean's hands were fisted on the table as he stared at the wood grain not meeting the older man's gaze.

"He contacted me when he got out and was topside. He wanted to make sure you were okay but he never came to see me Dean, he stayed away. I tried to make him contact you, begged him but he wouldn't do it and said if I told you he'd drop off the planet and we'd never find him. You know the kid and I knew he'd do it, so you weren't in contact with me and I just let it go. He checked in from time to time but mostly he was MIA to me Dean. But, yeah, I knew, I'm sorry, if I could have told you and not think he'd run, I …"

Dean looked at Bobby then, he was mad but there was something in him that understood, too. Sam would have run and he'd have lost him all over again just in a different way. He had him back and was even under his little brother's roof. He stood up, "leave the onions out of Sammy's," Dean said casually "and extra in mine," he said with a glint in his eye. He left the kitchen and started up the stairs. He had a little brother to wake up. Bobby watched Dean leave the room and took the young man's words as what they were, an acceptance, forgiveness… and absolution. Bobby turned back to the breakfast preparations with a soft smile.

Dean climbed the stairs to his brother's room; he passed a spare room that was mostly empty, small but empty except for some boxes. He decided he'd ask Sam how he felt about turning it into a room, so he didn't have to keep sleeping on a pull-out. After all, he was staying for the long haul. Buy a bed get some furniture. Yeah, he'd mention it to his brother soon and the fact he'd contacted Bobby when he got out of Hell would need addressed to, but not right now there was plenty of time for that. Really, he was partly glad that Sam had at least contacted someone and sort of understood why Sam hadn't contacted him. He didn't have to like it but he sort of got it, too. He stood in the doorway to his brother's room and watched his little brother's back for moment, "come on lazy boys … rise and shine sleeping beauty," he kidded and walked over and patted his brother's leg.

"I'm awake," Sam groaned into the pillow as he ground his face into it. "I heard you pull up." Dean walked around to see his brother's face when Sam didn't roll over.

"Why didn't you come down?"

"Too comfortable man," Sam sounded tired but his face was calm and there were no signs of disquiet.

"You okay? How's the pain in the ribs?"

"I'm sleeping on my side aren't I? That's gotta mean something."

"It's not your bad side … how many pills you pop?" Dean eyed him critically.

"Just one before bed last night," Sam assured. "I'm okay Dean. You got back quicker than I thought you would."

"Yeah, well I stopped once; it's not that long of a trip."

"How are Ben and Lisa?" Sam asked as he studied his big brother. He saw the fleeting moment where Dean's jaw twitched but it passed quickly. "Tough leaving, huh?"

"It's all good Sammy," Dean replied. He knew Sam would push for more info but he also knew his little brother wouldn't push too hard too soon either and he was thankful that his kid brother still knew him.

"How was the game?"

"They won. They got a spot in the national competition, so Ben was pretty stoked about that."

"Stoked?" Sam looked amused at his brother.

"Hey, at least I'm talking in text," Dean bantered. "You know … OMG … LOL …" Sam laughed a pure from the soul laugh and Dean knew in that moment he had done the right thing for himself and his brother. "Come on, Bobby's makin' some omelets."

Dean leaned down and helped Sam up to a sitting position. "I could have done that myself ya know."

"Yeah, I know, but no reason to strain more than you have to, right?"

"I suppose," Sam conceded.

"Come on ya idjits … the foods getting' cold and I ain't getting' no younger," Bobby's voice called from the kitchen. Sam and Dean both smiled and headed toward the stairs.

**To Be Continued **


	17. The Blood that Binds

**Disclaimer:** The characters of "Supernatural" were created by Eric Kripke and are owned by the CW Network. No profit is being made.

**Note to Readers: **Okay, apologies for not posting last weekend but my free-time is so lean and will be for a while. At any rate, this is the final chapter to the story and I hope you enjoy it. Hey, at least this story almost lasted until the season premiere, and September 24 can't get here quick enough. This chapter is around 6 pages long. I wanted to again thank everyone that has taken the time to review, comment or PM me, it is all very appreciated! Happy Reading, I hope!

**Our Solemn Hour**

By Dawn Nyberg

**Chapter 17: The Blood that Binds**

"… _Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky it slips away, all your money won't another minute buy … all we are is dust in the wind …"_ lyrics excerpt from Kansas, _Dust in the Wind_

Dean watched Sam work the bar periodically in between pool games. His brother was healed and back on the job. He'd been back at the bar for over three weeks now. They'd even done a small spook job a week ago in the county over. It went smooth and no trouble, the kind of hunt Dean loved: spook gone and no blood shed, especially Sam's. His touching base with Lisa had lessened and he'd only spoken to her twice in the last month and half. Ben emailed once or twice a week but Dean guessed that may lessen in time as Ben became more ready to let go. Dean had promised to be at a big game in a couple months, and he would be.

The bar was packed full of regulars on this Friday night but when a new group walked in, five men in jeans and all wore black t-shirts, but it was the matching tattoos on their biceps that indicated they were some biker gang that Dean wasn't familiar with but he couldn't miss Greg Watson, a pool playmate tense along with a couple other guys playing with him. "What?" he said under his breath at the men playing that had also noticed the new patrons.

"It's the _Son's of Lucifer_ gang, well, some of them at least," Greg answered under his breath. Dean tensed at the name, old habits, ya know.

"What, they're not original enough that they gotta have some name that sounds like a TV show," Dean said under his breath when the name of the gang sounded too much like the _Son's of Anarchy_.

"Why they here?" Patrick Monahan whispered. "They're a good fifty miles away from their compound."

"They're nothin' but trouble." Greg countered. "Good thing Logan and the guys haven't shown up tonight talk about the shit hitting the fan."

"What Logan and his guys don't mix with them?" Dean questioned while watching the men get beer from the busy bar and find a corner to sit and drink. They sat with their backs to the wall, like they didn't trust the room and from what Dean was hearing he suspected that was right. Logan Debois, was a local biker boss, of sorts and had a rather big group himself, they were intense but a good group of guys and Dean didn't have a problem with them and had even played quarters with Logan a time or two. He was the only player that had ever out done Dean in whiskey shots. Plus, Dean learned that Logan had watched Sam's back a few times when he first arrived in Tonganoxie and almost got in a few fights while he adjusted to the semi-civilian life. Logan wasn't a hunter but he recognized something in Sam that was kindred, both had seen war and death, horrible things. Logan was a vet from Nam and never asked Sam if he was former military or not but had only ever said to Dean about Sam, "I recognize the look, you got it too." Dean never said much and had only nodded at the man when that conversation happened. After all, he and Sam had seen war, just on a different front: Heaven and Hell.

"Nah, man, Logan says they're just thugs, give a bad name to biker gangs. They're into bad shit: drugs, extortion and nobody talks about it but murders, too. A few of their guys are doing 20 to life but it's just a drop in the bucket because their compound probably has a good hundred or so dudes, all doing whatever their leader Mace wants," Patrick answered.

Dean continued to play pool and watch the unwanted bikers and Sam on and off. It looked like the entry of the unwanted element hadn't escaped Sam or the other staff members but they were being cautious as they went about their jobs. Sam met eyes with Dean only once and gave the slightest of shakes indicating to him to not worry about it and offered a small smile and returned to work.

"Oh, shit," Patrick hissed as he started looking for an exit when one was needed.

"What?" Dean tensed and looked around. Logan and a few of his boys walked into the bar and looked right at the rival gang. "Crap."

"Someone must have called Logan, ah, hell, some more of the Son's just rolled up outside. This is gonna be bad man, real bad," Greg spoke evenly but his eyes betrayed his anxiety.

"Better call the cops," Patrick said. "Sheriff Murray and the guys will clear them out …" Patrick's voice was interrupted by a loud yell followed by multiple popping noises and then pandemonium broke out. Patrons were trying to get out in the midst of all out fighting. The _Son's of Lucifer_ had come with guns but only one had pulled his weapon on Logan and his boys and started firing. Dean ducked when more gun fire erupted from the Son's he had seen Sam once through the crowd behind the bar but lost sight of him and just hoped he was keeping low.

Dean caught a glimpse of one of Logan's men, he could see they were carrying guns but none of them had drawn them. He suspected Logan didn't want to put innocent people at risk. Instead it looked liked Logan's men were doing their best to get the fight and the immediate danger outside the bar. Tables were turning over, grunting and the sounds of fists hitting flesh. People were still scurrying to get out. Part of Dean wanted to help but this wasn't his fight and with bullets flying around ever now and again his best bet was to keep his head low.

There was a bullhorn order given outside and just as quickly a swarm of police entered the establishment to address those still inside while others took care of the gang members outside. "Logan!" Sheriff Murray shouted as some of his police officers used tasers and pepper spray on _Son's _members while Logan's men helped to subdue as well. Dean stood up quickly and Logan cast a look at him and both men nodded. "

"Hey Jer," Logan said easily and it became clear that the men knew each other and were even friends. Dean relaxed and started to head toward where he last saw Sam. There was still activity going on and Dean just stayed away from the pepper spray, although he'd be glad to get outside from the smell but was glad it wasn't mace, he hated mace. His eyes stung a bit from the pepper spray remnants in the air.

"Dammit to hell Logan," the sheriff barked. "I got at least three people with flesh wounds from gunshot wounds, innocent people just out to enjoy their night not counting those hurt when they were trying to get the hell out of here. Hell, I got a regular ER episode happening out there. I had to call in three counties to use their paramedics. It's a damn mess. Pretty sure one or two of the Son's are goners, it's not lookin' good."

"Jerry man, I didn't start this, you know I'd never do that shit and if I did it wouldn't be around innocent people. They came here lookin' for trouble and we got word they were here but we already knew they were planning on robbing the place. I couldn't let Missie and Jack get screwed like that, they're good people." Just as Logan was about to say something else Missie's shrieks from behind the bar had everyone spinning. Dean's heart pounded as he ran knowing what he'd see and hoping he wouldn't. He rounded the bar following Missie's look of devastation and horror. Dean's life stopped in that moment. Sam was on the floor his legs crumbled and one leg was slightly bent beneath the other. His little brother was lying on his side partially propped against the back stock bar that kept him from turning completely onto his back. His head was canted to the side and was surrounded by a halo of blood. The dim lighting of the bar didn't help to illuminate Sam's condition further for Dean.

"Sammy!" Dean dropped to his brother's side his mind understanding fully what he was seeing andwhat had happened but his heart wouldn't accept it. "Sam?" he choked as shaky fingers felt for a pulse. He found one, it was fast, too fast, and maybe shock, but at least it was there. "Help! I need some help!"

Logan was there instantly while the sheriff ran to the door ordering paramedics to come assist Sam. Logan looked at Sam, "Jesus, is it a head shot?"

"He's alive," Dean barked. "I need something for the bleeding, now!" Missie handed him a clean bar towel from the drawer beside her. Dean leaned down and felt shallow exhale from his little brother. "That's it Sammy, stay with me, okay? You're doin' great kiddo," he urged as he was ordered aside by the paramedics.

Dean sat in the small waiting room at the local hospital. It wasn't a huge hospital but they seemed to have what was needed. Dean looked expectantly at the trauma room swinging doors. He'd only seen staff coming and going but no word on Sam. He looked at his watch and blew out a shaky breath, it'd been an hour and still no word, he was too scared think what that meant, good news or bad news, he was simply numb. He saw someone sit down beside him and glanced over, it was Logan.

"I would have been here sooner but Jerry, I mean, the sheriff had some questions." Logan continued when he saw Dean's look of confusion on how he was walking around and not in jail. "Jerry's calling it self-defense and we weren't carrying weapons, so…" he left it unfinished and Dean nodded. "So, any word?"

Dean just looked at the man a moment and shook his head remaining silent.

"Dean," Logan's voice was hesitant as he motioned toward the doors that swung open and a doctor approached them. Dean stood immediately.

Dean let out a shaky breath as he entered the ICU and was shown to Sam's room. His mind repeating words … _he was lucky, no skull penetration or fracture just a graze … he has a mild concussion and I'm keeping him in ICU over the night but I don't foresee any complications. There was some blood loss but fluids brought his pressure up and I don't see a need for any transfusion …_Dean remembered the thick pool of blood around his brother's head and shuddered at the thought this could have been so much worse but Sam was going to be okay and a couple nights in the hospital he'd be taking him home.

He looked Sam over as his little brother slept, his brow furrowed slightly in sleep and Dean reached down gently and thumb away the disquiet, "Shh, it's all good little brother," he soothed and the frown lines disappeared and Sam settled into sleep. Dean pulled a sleeper chair closer and did as he had since Sam was born he watched over his little brother. "Glad you got such a thick head Sammy," Dean said quietly more to himself than his younger sibling.

Dean walked into the house from his shift at the garage in town, Luke's Pro Auto. It had been four months of living in Tonganoxie and he'd kept his promise a couple months prior to see Ben play but he hadn't stayed with Lisa. It was safer for her and Ben and he knew it. He'd never risk bring the supernatural to their doorstep. He hadn't separated completely but it was happening slowly in inches even Ben's emails had tapered off and he knew they stop all together eventually. He and Sam had taken a few hunts over the last couple months, all close by or within a days drive. They were partners and brothers again and even though apart of him longed for a hunting free life it was in his blood and it felt good being out there and helping people. There was a clang of a pan in the kitchen, "Sammy?"

"Yeah," he called out. Sam looked at Dean as he walked into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?"

"Makin' some soup." Dean eyed the orange colored soup and frowned. "What?"

"Yeah, what," Dean grimaced. "What is that crap?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"Butternut squash soup," Sam paused and smiled. "Organic," he finished with dimples and all. Dean just stared at his brother. Sam laughed.

"So, there's no hunt this weekend and you took off from the bar," Dean said casually over dinner and still shivered whenever his brother spooned a heaping serving of soup into is mouth. "So, what's up?"

Sam was silent a moment and then put his spoon down. "You deserve to be happy Dean after everything … I just want you to be happy. Go back to Lisa," he blurted in a rush of words. Dean sat stupefied. Sam just stared into his bowl of soup.

Dean took a breath, "Sammy," he started. "Look, do I miss them, yes, does part of me wish that was my life, yes … do I regret being here, no, am I happy you're here and alive, more than I can put into words without risking a Lifetime movie moment," he smiled at his brother ever so slightly and Sam offered up a single dimple in return. "I'm here and it's because I want to be, okay? We're brothers and nothing is changing that and I ain't going anywhere. There's different kinds of happy, Sam and I am happy, okay? This is right, I believe that." His voice held a conviction that his sibling needed to here and Sam looked up and met his big brother's gaze, and his eyes stung from welling tears that didn't fall. "Ah, Sammy, man, come on dude … you're killing me man," he chuckled and reached up and cuffed the side of his brother's head conveying silent affection.

"I want to hit the road Dean like old times," Sam said suddenly. "You know go back to doing what we do best, saving people, hunting things …"

"The family business," Dean finished with a smile as he remembered that conversation that took place a lifetime ago or so it felt. "What about things here … your job, and all this?" he motioned toward the general area around them and out the window to Sam's jeep.

"I'll give notice at the bar and Logan will take the Jeep and the house will rent easy, no ties here Dean. They're good people but it's time ya know, I'm ready," Sam replied with a strong voice. Dean believed him, Sam was ready to move on … he wasn't healed from what still remained unsaid about Hell and Lucifer and maybe one day he'd open up about what Dean knew he was still not voicing and Dean planned to be there when he was ready. Maybe, one day Dean would tell Sam what it felt like to live the life he had for a year and that he missed Lisa and Ben in a way he couldn't quite word, maybe someday but for now it was enough they were brothers once again in everyway that counted … they were family, friends and any fractured trust had been rebuilt. It was time for them both and the open road was waiting for the Winchester Brothers again.

"Okay, if you're sure," he conceded with a smile

"I'm sure," Sam confirmed. Dean nodded. "Anyway," Sam's voice was sure and strong, "out there, we've got work to do." Warmth crept into Dean's chest and he offered a quick nod because he didn't trust his voice and took a calming breath.

"Yeah, Sammy, yeah we do." Sam smiled and went back to his soup. Dean watched him for a moment and then dug back into his corned beef sandwich. "Now, eat some real food bitch," he eyed the offending soup.

"I am, jerk," Sam retorted. Dean laughed around his sandwich and Sam smiled. They both had their inner demons and things left unsaid, but in the end, _they chose family_, they chose each other.

**The End**


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